


Answers

by TulipsofIsolation



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-06-16 08:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 34,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15433350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TulipsofIsolation/pseuds/TulipsofIsolation
Summary: Hermione knew she needed to stop him from completing his task, change his mind, protect him. However she knew that in doing so she would lose him and her heart could not take the pain. 6th year AU Slowburn Dramione.





	1. Chapter 1

The sun shone through the cracks in the windows drapes and onto her eyes, she knew the morning would be coming, the internal alarm clock she had been cursed with had left her tossing and turning for most of the early morning. Groaning she threw the thin blankets over her eyes and scorned the snores of the lucky one of her sleeping friends scattered on the floor around the room, they had spent the night catching up and breathing again. Harry had arrived that previous night back to Grimmauld Place, she had spent most of the Summer here and at the Burrow, worrying with Ron and the other Weasley clan about the whereabouts of her previously missing friend. They had spent the night in a cheerful bliss when his belongings arrived before he did, the weight they had all been carrying in the dingy house seemed to be lifted with the presence of a suite case on the foyer.  
Flipping the cover off herself she carefully, painfully, pried her legs out from underneath the red headed female sleeping on the other end of the couch and sitting up stretched her arms above her head. Trying to bring some life into her sore muscles. Standing she tiptoed her way out of the room and followed her nose to the kitchen. Molly Weasley had out done herself this morning, mumbling thanks she smiled and took the coffee the witch had been holding out for her. It had become their game as the weeks past, drinking coffee or tea and worrying about the days to come.  
“How is he?” Tonks asked taking a bite of her muffin. The Order had been trying to locate Harry for weeks now, bringing him home before school started, they had all been on edge.  
“Alive, that’s all that matters to me.” Molly said scooping some eggs onto the plate in front of Hermione. Tonks nodded her head and looked at Hermione for something more.  
“Alive, better than we all thought he would be. You can see the sadness though it’s not gone away” Hermione said taking a drink of the coffee, her friends eyes had been forlorn and downcast. His smile was still there at a joke or as he simply looked around the room at them all, but she was still able to see the sadness in his eyes. The loss of Sirius had been hard on them all.  
“Will he make it through the trip today? He’s been out of touch with it all for a while, we can’t afford anything to mess up.” Tonks stared at her pointedly, waiting for an answer she did not have.  
“I can’t imagine he would do anything daft” She pushed the eggs around her plate and wished she had simply stayed cramped on the couch. They would be going to Diagon Alley today before going onto the train. After the attack at the Ministry they were keeping all of them hidden away for as long as possible, her own parents had gone on a vacation at her urging, just so the Order could keep tabs on her as well, the targets they had planted on their own backs were now practically glowing as the Death Eaters wreaked havoc over England. No longer needing to hide their agenda. She sat up straighter as the small army of friends walked into the room from where she had left them, ending the conversation as Tonks rose to give a hug to her shaggy haired best friend.  
_______________________________________________________________

Suddenly and forcefully he was thrown into light. Swiftly he covered his face in the surrounding pillows getting used to the offense to his senses and hoping it would go away. After a pause raised his head to see what the intrusion was. Standing next to the window Narcissa stood, smugly, staring at him from the source of the light. Even in his half-opened gaze he could see the strained look on her face “We’re going to be late.” She said striding back out of the room and slamming the door behind her. Blasted woman knew how to ruin a morning. Stuffing his face back into the pillows he wondered how easy it would be to simply suffocate where he laid. He had made a fool of himself last night. No not a fool, how had Father put it? Had made his blood line proud, made his ancestors proud. There was not much argument there, the Mafoy line would see riches it had not even dreamed of seeing before if he could pull this off, when he pulled this off. Whatever the Dark Lord had wanted he had been tight lipped about the ordeal, only a few of the most trusted were allowed into the room and even then, what was required of him was not fully disclosed.  
Sliding out of bed he stood he looked into the reflection of the window pane. The black skull and snake twisted itself on his left arm. As if the snake was getting used to its new home on the pale forearm it founds itself on. The mark brought a proud sneer to his face. His mother had begged him to reconsider, to not get himself involved in the meddling of old men.  
Regaining strength in his choice he turned from the window and went to get ready for the day. They would be going to Knockturn Alley today, before boarding the train, to learn of what was to be asked of him this year. The great task that the Dark Lord had chosen him for. He would succeed. Regardless of what it was, he would not allow himself to not succeed. Sliding on the black button up shirt he tenderly buttoned the cuffs down below the mark, hiding it.  
_______________________________________________________-

They had said their goodbyes to their body guards, friends, and sat in the first opened compartment they could find to catch their breath. For the second time today, she had no answers. As the train lurched itself into movement and the country side flew past her window in a blur similar to the last few hours of her life. They had seen something important, something the shouldn’t have seen and she didn’t know what to think about it all. Harry cast a silencing charm on the compartment door before sitting across from her, she could see the thoughts racing behind his eyes. The Prophet had not been kind to the disappearance of the one and only Harry Potter this summer and from the reaction he had to the whispers and stares throughout the day, she knew he had paid the paper no mind. He really had no idea of the pains the wizarding world had gone through in such a short amount of time.  
“Well this year’s going to be a blast.” Ron huffed sitting next to Harry.  
“We can’t blame them” She said pealing her eyes from the window to look at the two of them, she knew they were not talking about the same thing. Her heart broke at the sight of Diagon Alley, with many of the windows boarded up and the streets barren it was far from the freeing town she was used to. Almost no one had been walking the cobble stone roads, and it had nothing to do with their late shopping trip “Once we get to the school things will be better, no one will be seeing it every day.”  
“Mione you know that’s not what I mean” Ron said leaning back against the seat. She bit her lip and went back to looking out the window.  
“Did you see the mark?” Harry said looking up at her, “On his arm was it there?” He looked pointedly at her, she had been closer than any of them to the small window that they shared while spying on their childhood enemy. She had seen him a few times, a couple shops along Diagon Alley doing nothing more than what they had been doing. The woman he was with looked scorned somehow, with her long silver hair she could only be the mother they had not met, Narcissa Malfoy in all her glory. She was nothing but whispers and quick words as they too bounced around from shop to shop. It wasn’t until Harry had seen them turn down Knockturn Alley that the Malfoys became more than just a family shopping for supplies.  
“Hermione, at Borgin and Burkes I couldn’t see them very well, but he was showing them something, something that made the store clerk do whatever he wanted, I’ve seen that before.” Harry said staring at her. She thought for a moment, the small window had been dingy, the way they were all huddled together had made it impossible to move to find a way to see anything but the one corner of glass that held his face. He had been furious for sure.  
“Harry, I’m not sure what I saw.” She said crossing her arms over her chest.  
“I think he’s a Death Eater,” Harry leaned forward and whispered to them all.  
“Would make sense, right? They would want the Malfoy’s in it and dad says Lucius is in no position of power anymore.” Ron said leaning forward as well.  
“Like Malfoy is?” Hermione said looking between the two of them.  
“I don’t know what he’s up to, but that has to be what happened.” Harry said sitting back in the chair and looking out the window deep in thought. Ron shared a look with her and shrugged his shoulders before sitting back and pulling a chocolate out of his pocket. Hermione stayed leaning forward as the train plunged along through a tunnel, the darkness of the car showed the hallway illuminated through the small window, the same face she had seen in the darkness of the store earlier today, sneered as he passed and made its way to a cart of his own.


	2. Chapter 2

She did not scream.  
This was not how it was supposed to happen. He pushed past the insolent inferior first year students standing in his way, forcing his way to the back of the train where the small latrine would be. The protests of those around him landed on deaf ears as his were ringing, the blood pumping through his veins quickly, the stomach acid slowly rising making its way up his throat. Throwing himself into the room he relieved his stomach of all contents. This was not how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be something doable, something that would easily bring him to the inner circle, would make the Dark Lord proud of his family again. Remove the stain left by his Father. This was a death sentence in disguise as a prize. The Dark Lord knew he could never accomplish this, opening a passage way into Hogwarts, making the impenetrable walls penetrable through a cabinet that no one had been able to fix for years. He rose from the latrine to splash water on his face at the sink. Looking at the mirror, the reflection looked scared, like the small child his Father always accused him of being. Eyes too wide and skin too pale. Quickly he sent his fist through the glass and watched as it shattered piece by piece falling down around him. Blood mixed with the water circling the drain. The pain he should have felt was not there, the anxiety coursing through him had made it almost invisible.   
They had taken her.   
Not screaming, no Narcissa would never scream in fear of what was to come, she was too proud for that. Her eyes had given her away though, she trusted these fools even less than she trusted her Husband and in Draco’s eyes that was a statement to great for words. She was to be the insurance policy, the only thing Draco cared about enough to risk his life for. He could feel Greyback breathing on his neck, daring him to say anything against it. Open the pathway, bring us into the castle, or she dies.   
There was no one else they could have taken, not even Pansy would have given the motivation that this did. He would be alone in this world. His Father gone his Mother gone.   
Stop it he slammed his hand down on the sink.   
No one he cared about was supposed to get hurt, the ones who got hurt were just pawns to the greater good, the greater of Wizard kind was supposed to triumph and goddamn it no one that actually mattered was supposed to get hurt. Quickly he splashed cold water on his face breathing in and out before raising up and ran his hands through his hair smoothing out the edges. Grabbing his wand from his robes he repaired the mirror, staring at his reflection until it morphed into one he was familiar with, the one that gave nothing away. Sticking his head out the door he paused for a moment before continuing back where he knew his people would be waiting.   
“And the prodigal son returns,” Nott yelled as he walked into the compartment thunderously clapping his hands to the amusement of those around him.   
“Are you through?” he asked knowing the answer already, he went to the seat next to Parkinson and laid his head in her lap. She instantly ran her fingers through his hair.   
“Are you alright love?” She asked looking at him, him and Parkinson had been friends since they were kids. Under normal days she could see through him he should have known today wouldn’t be any different. “Draco are you bleeding?” She said grabbing his hand and pulling it closer to his face.   
“Just wonderful, you nosey wench.” He said pulling his hand away and healing himself with his wand. She pulled a strand of his hair out causing him to flinch slightly. He looked her pointedly in the eyes, she was not going to let this go he could be sure of that.   
“Alright get over yourself, what have you been up to these past few months?” Zabini said folding the Prophet he was reading and tucking it underneath the seat. Preparing for a story that wasn’t going to come. Draco only closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. They story they all wanted was not one he was willing to give, he knew they all knew of the mark he now bore on his arm. It was like a prize to them, a trophy that they had to wait another year to attain… if they made it another year. Swiftly that same paper came flying down rapidly at his head.   
“Oi. What gives?” Nott said holding the paper in his hands looking cross. “You all but disappear on us even when you’re with us, what the hell mate.”  
“Show some respect and stop whining like a little….” Pluck went another hair from Pansy “Damnit all, look when you are in the need to know I will let you know. Until then shut up and stop pestering me.” He said sitting up and staring at all of them. They had gotten to his nerves, something that rarely happened. He needed to get himself together before he gave something away, before He thought him going soft.


	3. Chapter 3

She could feel the train beginning to slow. Could almost hear the wheels screeching to a halt and the ever-omnipresent castle loomed over their heads. A dread she had not felt since her first year found itself deep within her abdomen and grabbed ahold as the shadow of the castles highest tower cast their cart into darkness. The stone walls that at one point had comforted her, seeming bright and cheerful and full of new beginnings now left her with a sense of dread so deep it almost took her breath away. No, this year was not going to be what she had thought, it was as if it was in the air around them. Taunting them, daring them to try and prove it wrong.   
“You coming Hermione?” Ron said standing in the door way, pulling her away from her thoughts, looking out the window as students in robes filed their ways out the train doors. “Mum said many parents were letting their kids come back this year, after the ministry attack. She had read an article about how it wasn’t safe anymore, she almost didn’t let Ginny come back but realized how silly that was, I guess I didn’t really believe her until now.” Hermione followed his gaze and looked through the window, there at the platform only a handful of young students stood looking lost and unsure of themselves. Hagrids voice, no doubt booming over the crowd, came faintly through the glass and the first years made their way towards the giant of a man.  
“Could you imagine, getting a letter and being told no. That coming here wouldn’t be an option anymore.” Hermione said grabbing her things and looking at Ronald. He shook his head.   
“Most of them are probably muggle born too, their parents had no knowledge of what our world was going to become, either that or Slytherins. Poor sods.” Ron said a scowl on his face as he turned to walk away. The pit in her stomach returned.   
“Ron where’s Harry?” She said stepping off the train and looking around waiting for their friends’ head to appear over those around them.   
“He was walking to the loo last I saw him. Maybe he went ahead on? Come on let’s get inside before the sorting.” Ron said pushing her towards the carriages and to the castle.   
______________________________________________________________-

With every bite she took she could feel the lead in her stomach settling more and more. Harry still had not come into the room. Draco Malfoy had been walked in with Snape a few minutes ago and placed at the Slytherin table but her friend was still missing.   
If he wasn’t with him then where was he.   
The sorting had begun, and the feast was close to ending when a disgruntled Harry came walking through the doors with Luna Lovegood on his heels. The pit in her stomach relieved itself until he came closer and she noticed the blood on his shirt.   
SLYTHERIN  
“Harry Potter what have you been doing?” she whispered as he sat down next to them on the benches, grabbing food before it disappeared off the plates. Giving Ron a pointed look.  
“Ronald Weasley you knew he was doing something he shouldn’t have and now look at him” she said glaring daggers at the red head next to her.  
RAVENCLAW  
“We missed something, at the shop in Knockturn Alley, he was mumbling about it, but I couldn’t hear him before he pulled me down. We have to stop whatever it is he’s doing.” Harry rushed out between bites of bread ignoring her completely.   
“Don’t you think that’s a little extreme mate, there’s nothing here he could possibly do, I think we pretty much have everything covered.” Ron said looking at his friend with doubt in his eyes.  
HUFFLEPUFF  
“I can feel it, something is happening this year. Somehow he is involved with it.” Harry turned and shot daggers at the Slytherin table as their name was bellowed out through the crowd again. Hermione’s heart raced as she looked over at the table and to the Slytherin in question. He stared holes into the table before him as the rest of the crowd cheered at yet another Slytherin addition. He did not move a muscle as those around him erupted and high fived. Then almost is if he could feel her staring at him he looked up and made eye contact, the familiar smirk he wore on his face as if it was any other day.


	4. Chapter 4

She was tired. There had been a few moments in her life where she allowed school to get away from her, third year was a prime example of that, however they had only been in classes for one week and she was mentally at her wits end with all of it. She had taken a fuller course load than the boys, they would have their NEWTS next year and she needed to be ready for them. For anything they would throw at her. Harry and Ron had opted to not follow her lead, instead they spent their time antagonizing her while she was trying to study. Trying to do anything really.   
“Hermione are you listening to me” Harry asked waving his hand in front of her face. She had been staring at the same sentence in her book for the past few minutes, willing the text to absorb itself into her brain.   
“No, honestly” she said sheepishly closing the book and looking at Harry. He rolled his eyes in return and smiled at her.   
“I was saying we needed to make a plan, find a way to figure out what is happening.” She stared at him blankly, the tired wheels in her head were spinning trying to think of what he could possibly be talking about. To her knowledge nothing had been happening in the castle, it was to early for them to find any trouble just yet. It was then that it dawned on her.   
“You mean Malfoy?” She groaned crossing her arms and closing her eyes. “Has he done something?” She could not bring herself to deal with this so early in the year, Harry had been unusually quiet on the subject since the train ride. She had assumed it had passed and the feeling that Harry had in his gut that day had moved on to something else.   
“Well no, but he has to be planning something. You have classes with him, right?” Harry asked her whispering.   
“I would assume Potions, he did take his O.W.L’s and he was quiet good at potions.” She said before she could stop herself. Harrys face pinkened slightly, he had not done well on his Potions OWL’s preventing him from moving along in the classes with her. Ronald and him were not going to take another Potions class and while he had seemed happy about that prospect the past year, after meeting Slughorn he now seemed quite glume “Honestly I’m not sure if I will or not.” She trailed off.   
“Watch him, if you do that is, Hermione he has to be up to something.”   
“Harry I really don’t have time for this,” she groaned not wanting to make eye contact with her friend.   
“Hermione, please, just keep an eye on him. You know the first chance he gets he’s going to do something. Its in his nature.” Harry looked at her pleading. She could see it in his eyes that he truly needed her to believe him.   
“Fine.” She said gathering her books in her arms and standing. “I will do your dirty work for you, but so help me Harry Potter the minute I am to busy to play this game it will end” she stared at him pointedly, not being able to help her return smile and the grin that took over his face. It was good to see him smiling again. Turning she walked away trying to stuff her books into her bag, as she pushed through the door she took two steps and ran smack into someone on the other side.   
_______________________________________________

The morning had been quiet. Given the circumstances one could almost call it decent. Pansy had not spoke to him yet today, Blaise had minded his own business about where he had been last night, and he almost was able to get an hour’s sleep. Decent.  
He made his way along the Great Hall, stopping to catch a look into the crowded court yard before a small boulder ran into him. Knocking him off balance, he turned to tell of whatever first year he had sent sprawling and instead found himself staring at Granger. Great.   
“You know there plenty of room in this blasted castle, you could be blind and never run into anything.” He kicked at a book next to his foot sending it across the grounds “I guess if your nose was buried into a book you would be blind.” He sneered walking around her.   
“If you wouldn’t stop in front of door ways this wouldn’t have happened.” She yelled at his back.   
“I don’t have time for this today, Granger. I trust you can make it down the hall all right.” He smirked as a small book came flying past his head. Seems the book worm doesn’t care about her precious books to much. He walked through the double doors into the dining hall and made his way to the Slytherin table. Pansy and Theo scooted apart to allow him space between the two.   
“Where did you go last night,” Nott asked between bites of porridge. “You missed one hell of a game of chess, mate.”   
“Oh yes, it was so riveting” Pansy answered her voice dripping with sarcasm as her eyes rolled in her head.   
“I needed to think” Draco answered pulling a scone out of the piles in front of him. He had spent the night in the library, having found the cabinet in the closet on the seventh floor, where he was told it would be. There had been some difficulty getting it opened. “ I just needed to think”.


	5. Chapter 5

That no good insufferable prat. Gods he brought the worse out in people.  
She had had to chase down her belongings through the corridor the rest of the morning as people kicked, accidentally and on purpose, her strayed books. Standing in front of doorways as if he owned the damned place, knowing him he probably thought he did, that rich pompous..  
She practically ran down the last hallways to make it to the Potions classroom and down to the front rows. Professor Slughorn smiled and nodded at her as she made her way to the front of the room where some of her fellow students were already standing over a cauldron. A clear, odorless potion was swirling in the cauldron on the table holding the appearance of a pot of water, she knew better of course. Veritaserum. Professor Slughorn had begun the lesson already, she scolded herself internally as she had missed the beginning, however if what Harry had told her last year was correct the potion in front of them was next to impossible to brew at their level. Oh how she loved a challenge.   
“Ahh Mr. Malfoy, I’m pleased you decided to join us, please hurry now” Slughorn said waving the blond down to the table in front of her. He took one look at the potion in front of them and smirked. Turning his hand around and paying more attention to his nails than to anything Slughorn was saying. She turned her focus away from him and back to the Professor feeling the anger over come her. The desire to dump the potion on his head and be done with him was a strong one. How dare he think he can wing this class. They were quickly dismissed to their tables, hers next to his, to prepare the potion.   
It took no time at all for her to realize what she was against.   
She was not sure which had angered her more, being beaten at potions by Malfoy or being beaten at potions by a Malfoy who, to anyone with a brain, was not even close to paying attention or listening to Slughorn at all. She had stolen a glance at him a few times in the past thirty or, so minutes and the same look of insufferable boredom stayed on his features as he effortlessly and quickly produced a potion that many had not even been able to get started on without confusion.   
“Powerful bit of Potion work, well done Draco” Slughorn practically drooled over him, his eyes alight at the prospect of one of his students finishing. Something that he had even challenged them all with being an impossible task, and all Malfoy could do was nod and leave the room without a single word.   
Pompous prat she thought staring between the two cauldrons at her table. His was a clear and odorless potion that she knew would do the trick without even needing any testing, hers was a cloudy version that would never pass as being undetectable, even in the darkest of teas. Get it together Hermione. She said rolling her shoulders and setting off to fix the nightmare she had created.   
An hour had passed, and her potion was now perfect as Slughorn walked cauldron to cauldron to look amongst her peers. No one had created even close to the same potions as the Vertiaserum, except for herself… and Malfoy. “Well done Miss. Granger, I knew you could do it. I did think you would be the quickest though, pity Mr. Malfoy couldn’t stay to help.” She bristled at the remark, as if she would ever need his help, she would make it her mission to have him begging her to help him by the end of the term. Clinching her fist to her side she simply smiled and took the offhand compliment and gathered her things to leave the class. She walked straight to the Common Room and plopped down amongst the cushions next to Ron.   
“Hey ‘Mione, what’s wrong with you?” He asked staring at her warily. She only huffed and rolled her eyes, allowing herself to fall victim to the small fit she wanted to throw over the situation of this whole morning.  
“You know he can brew Veritaserum? Perfectly in less time than it takes most to comprehend the ingredients” she stated looking amongst her friends.  
“Malfoy?” Harry said shaking his head “That’s not a normal potion to be cooking up in your spare time” He said sitting back on the chair tapping his chin with his hand. “What secrets could he be trying to get.”   
“He didn’t exactly stay around for question and answers Harry, just brewed it and walked away” she was bristled. Being beat was not the problem, being beat on something that had taken her longer than she would’ve cared to admit was.   
“Aren’t we missing the point here, why does he need it.” Harry said looking between the two of them. “Everyone we’ve ever run into that needed it was using it to gain leverage on someone.”   
She couldn’t disagree with him.


	6. Chapter 6

These past few weeks had flown past. Between classes and the bloody closet on the seventh floor he had hardly any time to think much less socialize.   
There had to be a way to get it to open, how good was a two-way chest of drawers if the passage wasn’t accessible? The Dark Lord wouldn’t waste his time on broken things. There had to be something he just wasn’t getting.   
He rolled his head on his shoulders, stretching out the kink in his neck. He had been sitting on the floor for way longer than he had anticipated he would be. Pulling his legs underneath him, he rose and walked out the closet door without looking back, it would be there in the morning and from the one window in the room night had come much faster than he thought.   
Quickly he made his way to the dungeons and up to the canopy bed calling his name, he would work on the cabinet in the morning. First, he would get some sleep, the answer would come to him in the morning.  
_____________________________________________________________

His body ached, a cool sweat rolled down the back of his neck as he opened his eyes to a pitch-black room before him. He had never experienced such darkness before, why was he on the ground? What is this he thought panic engulfing him as he reached out along the ground in search of his wand. The panic rising in his chest increased as the stench of sweat and tears quickly over took him, he felt at his eyes in panic, he wasn’t crying? His breathing came shorter and shorter.   
Suddenly a blinding light over took the room bouncing off the white of the walls and the floor causing him to quickly bring his arm up and over his eyes as a snake like laughter broke the silence of the room like a cannon. “You failed her Draco… You have failed us all.” The snake voice played in his ears, like a melody he couldn’t tune out, repeating itself over again. Quickly he brought his arm down and squinted through the light. He felt all the blood drain from his face and his arms hung limply to his side as he looked at the sight before him. She had been battered and bruised, a skeleton in comparison to how he had seen her last. Her light hair was a wisp around her frame. But this is not what made his blood grow cold, for there in the center of the room she sat with one single cut across her throat, Narcissa, the scream she let out in her final moments still prominent on her face, the deepest burgundy he had ever seen laid puddled beneath her. “Your time has come and gone” The laugh rang through the room as he found his voice to scream. 

“DRACO! Wake the hell up you oaf” He heard it softly in the background pulling him into consciousness he jumped out of bed and fell to the floor, his stomach released all contents to the floor in front of him. He could sense Theo back up slowly cursing his name. He didn’t care, his fingers pressed into the hard wood beneath him as he tried to right himself, find some sense of reality. He needed to find him He would know.   
He quickly fumbled to his feet and looked into the eyes of his friend. He could see the confusion and worry so clearly on his face but without a word he tore through the dungeons to Snape’s office banging on the walls around the portrait until it finally swung forward. 

“Draco, Wha…”

“He’s killed her hasn’t he! Because I haven’t figured out that damned cabinet, a task that no one has been able to accomplish yet he’s still gone and killed her.” He could feel the panic trying to overcome him again. One look in the mirror over the professor’s shoulder, he could see the veins in his neck and eyes sticking out, see the blood shot running through his eyes, he wouldn’t have thought his appearance was humanly possible. 

“Sit” The professor commanded summoning a chair behind him, reluctantly he sat and gathered himself as his professor stared down at him. “I told you goading would get you nowhere, yet you continued to talk up your talents without knowing what world you were entering. Did you think this would be a game boy?” Snape sneered at him. “Did you think this was going to be fun, there’s a reason your father never looked for him. Yet you walked in with you head high into the ceremony taking whatever you can get.” Snape poured a drink from a flask and handed it to Draco. He could only stare at it as it swirled in the glass. His breath was slowly coming back to normal.   
“How did you get your information” Snape snapped forcing the drink to his lips, he allowed the cool water to slide down his throat and sooth him. 

“I was dreaming, I’m almost positive I was dreaming, it was so real I could smell the blood…Please” Draco said not looking up 

“I can’t tell you anything. I’m not privy to this information, I can tell you she was alive before term, before you boarded the train.” Snape said his tone quieter. “How close are you to finishing” Snape asked after a moment of silence. He was nowhere near finishing, he couldn’t even lie to himself and say that he knew anymore how he was going to fix it. At this point everything he had thought would work either sent him flying back into the junk around him or burned him as he tried the handle. “Draco you must work harder. He will not stop at her, it will be everyone you have ever meet until he can get his hands on you and then you will find death a mercy” Snape said so matter of factly it snapped him out of his reserve. He rose and sat the glass down before walking through the door and out of the dungeon. He would stand in front of the cabinet all damned night if need be until he got it. He would not let him kill him too.


	7. Chapter 7

She sat in potions pulling out her book and quill preparing for the lesson as her classmates slowly wandered their way into the room. It had been a week since their last lesson and the rumors that surrounded the castle were never ending. Malfoy apparently had been missing classes, a problem Harry had pointed out to her at least twenty times in the long week since she had personally seen him.   
She needed to stay focused on the task at hand, at whatever was thrown their way today. She needed to step up her game to prove she was better than well than him, if he actually shows up she thought laying a quill on the table. Shrinking Solution ingredients were on the board before them and she bristled a bit, it wasn’t fun to show off on a potion they had all been making since second year. Her irritation at receiving an easy potion was noticeably an opposite to the feelings of the rest of the class whose mood had increased greatly based on the chatter around her, quickly almost as if a silencing charm had been placed on the room the talking ceased. She could feel the weight of the room change in response to whatever had happened behind her.   
Warily, she turned to see what was happening and could feel her pulse increase. The silence of the room was deafening as he walked down the aisle towards her. He looked as if the weight of the world had fallen on him. His once tall posture had slumped incredibly, the shirt he was wearing was wrinkled, his tie skewed. The dark circles under his eye looked as if someone had taken a swing at him early last week. It was more than appearance though, his once piercing grey eyes that had drilled holes into her as they enjoyed making her life hell when they were younger looked almost dead in comparison. It was as if a ghost had taken his place as he sauntered over to the chair next to her and sat down staring at nothing.  
“Malfoy…Are you…” she forced out, the look of him left her heart racing and her mind spinning. Something was not normal, nothing could ever make Draco Malfoy look less than normal, nothing good in the slightest. He cut her off with a wave of his hand and his jaw hardened into a tight line as he clinched his teeth together. She could see the lines of his veins beneath his thin skin running into the collar of his shirt.   
“Spare me Granger” He said roughly between his teeth. So low she wasn’t even sure she had heard him speaking. She knew trying was foolish…bringing herself into this was foolish, yet she continued to stare at him and take it all in, in less than one week he had gone from king of all to this waste in front of her now. “Stop it right now, I am warning you” He spat at her as Slughorn walked into the classroom to begin the days lessons. She tore her eyes away from her desk partner and over to the Professor, willing him to say something that would make the weight in the room disappear.  
He regarded the classroom with a smile and if he noticed the elephant in the room he said nothing of the sorts. They were to brew a Shrinking Solution in order to help Hagrid move some of the Puffskeins that had multiplied rapidly and taken up part of the forest this year. They began quickly, many hoping to make this a quick lesson, she just wanted to get out of the room. The silence had become deafening, painfully so, she had to physically will herself to keep her eyes from drawing to him. As she added her minced daisy roots to the green potion and allowed herself a glance at Malfoys cauldron, his was a puce yellow as he added the same ingredient.   
“That’s going to poison them” she whispered to him. He only glanced at the potion before setting the roots down and looking up at the ceiling. He pinched the bridge of his nose and she could see the breaths he was talking.   
“Mr. Malfoy are you alright my boy?” Slughorn asked walking and looking into the cauldron. “Oh, that won’t do, you may want to start over,” Malfoy stood and left the room without saying a word. Slughorn looked at her taken aback at the exchange that had occurred. Her gut told her to let him go, to stay out of it no matter what Harry would say. Instead she stood as well and followed him out the door.   
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He heard her foot steps behind him and groaned. She couldn’t just leave well enough alone. He turned down the corridor and headed for the stairs to the dungeon instead. Increasing his stride to a level she would not be able to keep up with.   
“Will you please just stop.” She yelled at his back, jogging to his side.   
“No.”   
“Can you just for once stop being such a prat and tell me what is going on,” She screamed at his back, against his better judgement he turned on her. It was something she wasn’t expecting and her whole body froze, leaning away from him as he skidded to a stop and towered over her.   
“You are nothing more than the filth beneath my shoes, you can guarantee the day will never come when I share any part of my life with you Granger. What is my business is mine alone and you can bet your ass that you will never be privy to any information I have.” He walked her back into the wall, the fear radiated off her in waves, he could see it in her eyes, the spark that normally was there was muted as her breath increased and her hands rose up to create a barrier between the two of them. “Now move along to the Golden Boys and forget about this new found sharing plan or I will make you” he snarled at her before turning and walking the other way, leaving her standing in the corridor.


	8. Chapter 8

The snarl on his face was going to become a permanent fixture at this point. How dare she, how dare that no one, nobody, big headed psychopath even begin to try and have him confide in her. What did she want a damn tea party with her and her friends, somewhere for him to lay it all out on the line for her as if it would change anything. He practically growled the password to the dungeon and slammed through the doorway as it allowed him in. His prayers for an empty common room were not answered as Theo sat in one of the chairs.   
“Don’t you have class or something?” Draco snarled at him   
“Don’t you.” Nott said looking him in the eye. Draco allowed his shoulders to relax and his posture to change as he walked and sat on the accompanying sofa. “We going to talk about the other night or just pretend it didn’t happen”   
“Nothing happened. I simply needed to get away from your ugly face before I barfed again.” Draco said pulling a pillow in front of him and resting his head on the back of the couch.  
“Mate you were practically screaming, I’ve been threatening first years into silence all week. But whatever, if it makes you feel better to play dumb then that’s what we’ll do.” Theo said returning to his book bristled at the exchange. He shouldn’t even be having this conversation with him, he should be working. He could no longer fight his eyes as they closed.  
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He could hear her screaming from his room. The manor tended to echo sometimes but this was an elevated sound, magnified as if it was calling for him. He tore from his bed and through the doors of his room. The hall felt endless as her screams reverberated into his skull, his head pounded in tune of his heart as his name bounced along the halls.   
Scrambling his way down the stairs his foot caught on the bloody rug and his body flung forward, his head greeted the hard wood floor with a crack. His body seized up, his eyes watered as another screamed began. Pulling himself up he tore off again, running into the walls on his way to his fathers’ study. The doors flung open of their own accord and she was there. Floating above the center of the room, he could hear the Cruciatus curse come but he could not move to shield her, to take the brunt of it for her. His body was as mobile as stone, as she writhed in pain in front of him. Screaming. The Snake’s laughter rang all around him, through him. As the curse ended he was able to see her eyes, Narcissa’s eyes, as the green light enveloped her, and the screaming stopped for good.   
“NO!” he screamed. His arms flailed forwards throwing the pillow he was still clutching. Nott stared at him pail faced from the other chair. As Draco looked wide eyed around the still empty room, his breath catching in his chest as he tried to make sense of anything that had happened. “What is happening to me” He asked looking his friend in the eye for any sign. This was a mistake. He quickly lifted himself off the chair and back out the common room, ignoring Theos pleas for him to come back, to hell with Granger and Nott. If they wanted to follow him around the castle to find what he was doing so be it. He needed to finish this task, so he could be left alone.


	9. Chapter 9

If one more person tried to pull her into the castle gossip she would curse them into next week. It had been two weeks since she had been seen following Draco Malfoy after potions and two weeks since he apparently ‘vanished’. As if people didn’t just skip class around here. The library had been full of students stopping to ask her if she had done something to him, one person even offered her a Galleon for her trouble.   
“So where did you stuff him?” Ron said smiling at Harry as they sat at the table next to her. She could feel her blood boiling, she swallowed and sat back in her chair.   
“It’s fairly childish that any one would think I did anything to him.” She said slamming her quill down on the table.   
“Better that than what I heard, rumor has it you ran off with hearts in your worried eyes.” Harry said taking a bit of an apple trying to hide his laughter.  
“Oh, that is just.” She could feel herself gag at the thought. “Harry Potter this is all your fault, if you hadn’t said anything I would’ve just let him off and go.” She said picking her quill back up.   
“Did he tell you anything?” Harry said leaning forward to her, the intensity in his face took her aback. It was not often that Harry focused on something as much as this, it made her warry, this obsession he was starting to form over the idea in the short month they had been at school.   
“He didn’t say anything, didn’t even stop.” She lied. The fear she had felt when he turned on her. She was never privy to kind looks from him, but the murderous glaze his eye took on when she had asked him to confide in her. She may have well drawn her wand and talked him into battle with the way he turned on her. There was no since in worrying the boys with that.   
“Okay,” Harry said deflating a bit and standing up. “We’re heading to dinner, you want us to wait?” He asked.   
“No, I’ll be down shortly. I need to find a book still.” She smiled at them as the turned and walked away. The smile quickly fell away at their retreating backs, she could feel the slight pang in her chest at the look on Harrys face. He had wanted a grand story, a caught him in the act moment and all he was left with was rumors and lies. No, Draco had not told her anything. Yet it was his denial, the strength of it that caused her to know he was doing something. She had been dealing with Harry and Ron far to long to not see the signs of hiding something.   
Sighing she stood and walked to the back of the library, the crowds of students was thinner here. She knew it was due to the proximity to the Restricted Section, most couldn’t stand the screams the books let off, the rattling of chains that let you know there was evil behind the doors. She could not see them as purely evil as many of her class believed, behind those doors there was no more evil than in the real world, it was just packaged in such a way as to throw off those not willing to look further than the cover.  
She made to walk past the room, looking through the tiny window on the door her heart stopped as she froze in place. No. He was there, his head flopped forward towards his lap, arms to his sides there were many books strewn around him, some moaning in protest at being discarded in such a manner. She closed her eyes to clear her head and calm her heart, looking around at the empty halls around her she quickly opened the door and closed it again silently as she entered and approached. She saw no movement but the rise and fall of his shoulders, at least he’s alive. She picked up one of the books that fell around her feet and read the first passage Invisibility she thought staring at the passage, her eyebrow burrowed together as she spun and read some of the others around her, the next book was on teleportation methods and another was on wards. What in the world. She needed to leave him as he was, let someone else find him and just pretend that she never saw anything. It would be easier than getting herself worked into whatever it was he was doing. She knew it would never happen that way, her curiosity won her over more times than not and silently she walked around to the front of him leaning in close to his face to look at him. He looked more alive when he was asleep backwards as it may be, not nearly as hard as he had the last time she looked at him. There was still a sharpness to him, as if he was anything but at peace with what was happening behind his eyes. His skin was still paler than normal, she could easily see the purple veins in his face and down his neck and she could tell he had not showered in a few days. The wrinkles of his shirt and the slightly musty scent was rolling off him. She was starting to feel voyeuristic, watching him sleep like this in vulnerability. The blush began to creep up her neck and she willed him to wake up. Without thinking, she grabbed his arm to wake him and he jumped in a flash throwing her back to the ground and straddling her, wand at her throat. Her scream caught in her throat as his hand flew to her mouth keeping her quiet. The weight of him was crushing, she was sure the wand point at the base of her throat would leave a bruise. His eyes held no recognition, the light grey they normal were was replaced with hard steel and he pushed his weight into her making her whimper slightly. It was then that they began to clear, and his face changed from one of rage and anger into something softer, confusion was evident in his face as he pushed himself off of her and back into the book shelf being him.   
“Christ Granger do you have a death wish” He whispered holding his head in his hands, she quickly sat up and faced him, the breath in her lungs was coming much faster than what could have been healthy, the panic she had been feeling was threatening to boil over the edge. “What are you even doing here” he said finally looking up at her in bewilderment.   
“You were sleeping in the Restricted Section Malfoy, I came to see who it was… figured you needed to move.” She could feel her heart beating throughout her body, a fear she had never felt before rose up her back and into her chest. She was not scared of him per say but of the look in his eyes as he took her in, staring at her like he had never seen her before. She wanted him to release her from this look, so she could leave and never think of this. Why couldn’t you just let him be she cursed herself internally. The silence held heavy between the two before he finally looked away and she followed his eyes to the sleeve of his white shirt, she could slightly see a hint of black poking through the bottom and her stomach flopped. He quickly pulled the sleeves further down his arms and grabbed the book next to him before standing.   
“Thank you” he said pausing at the door, before leaving the room and not looking back at her direction. She felt the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding leave her lungs and she sat on the ground to gather herself. She could feel the panicked tears begin to fall around her as she fought to catcher her breath. She clutched at her chest as she tried to stop her heart.


	10. Chapter 10

Her footsteps echoed in the deserted corridors as she practically ran to the common room; her lungs were burning and as the fear continued to creep up on her. Engulfing her in its grasp as she tried to shake it, her feet could not carry her fast enough through the dark corridors their shadows seeming to hold the air of someone waiting, ready and willing to jump out at her. It made her skin crawl. Quickly she made her way to the fat lady. “Fizzy Faries” She shouted when she was a few steps away and the door swung open for her to run inside. She did not know what she was afraid of but being inside the common room and away from the shadows had given her a sense of relief. She bent over to rest her hands on her knees as she caught her breath and tried not to panic. Just focusing on the in and the out, willing the damned tears to stop welling in her eyes. She was not a crier; one encounter would not turn her into one.   
“Hermione are you okay?” Harry said standing up and running to her. She shook her head to stop him from talking and stood, raising her arms above her head she stretched to the ceiling, she had expected the boys to be at dinner.   
“What would you do if he is?” She mumbled out through deep breaths as she felt the fire in her lungs leave and her heart return to normal, she brought her arms down to her hips and looked between their faces “If Malfoy is a Death Eater what is it you plan to do?” She repeated at their confused looks.   
“What did he do to you Hermione! Is that why you weren’t at dinner” Ron said turning red in the face and rolling up his sleeves to head through the door she had just come through.  
“Honestly Ronald sit down I am fine I just got spooked is all.” She said smiling   
“So, did you find something!” Harry said practically buzzing as he sat in his seat with excitement. This wasn’t right. Nothing about this felt right.   
“I don’t know Harry I really don’t. He was reading, well sleeping, there wasn’t very much reading happening, you could tell he had been there a while, there were some weird books around some on invisibility and teleportation, which Wizards can apparate so I’m not sure what that would have done for him. Nothing made any sense when put together.” She was slowly becoming embarrassed, she knew she was rattling, skipping the point of it all. She wanted to tell Harry the truth, of what she had thought she had seen. For all she knew he could be researching for charms and she was here entertaining Harrys idea as if she had some legitimate proof.   
She could feel the gaze of both the boys as they studied her, and she began to fidget with the end of her hair. “I shouldn’t have said anything I’m sorry Harry it really isn’t anything. There was just a look on his face before he left, it was so different from the one before.” She needed to stop herself.   
“I thought he was asleep?” Ron said looking confused  
“Well he was until I woke him up” she said throwing her hand up, the familiar blush she wore often began to creep up her face.  
“Hermione, you were alone with him and he didn’t tell you anything, let anything slip”   
“Harry you act like we’ve been best friends for ages and he’s going to jump at the chance to tell me anything.” she said looking at the boys in confusion. They both looked at each other before setting back in their chairs. He had thanked her for something as simple as just doing something decent. She wasn’t even sure what she had done had even warranted some thanks on anyone’s scale of good deeds, yet he had before walking away. The nerves around her heart had her feeling sick to her stomach in a way she had never felt before. It wasn’t the thanks that got her, it was the utter defeat he had showed. Murderous to defeated in a second flat. There was something not right in the situation, something that tugged at her need to know.   
They quickly settled into their nightly routine, Ron and Harry began to play a game of chess as she pulled her books out of her bag. Her mind was racing.   
“You never answered my question, what would you do?” she asked again staring into the fire.  
“I’m sorry?” Harry said looking up from his game.  
“Malfoy” was all she said in return   
“I would stop him. Hermione I would do whatever it took to stop him.” Harry said standing up and stretching “There’s no room for people like him, those that help Voldemort will be stopped.”   
She could do nothing but agree.   
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He had placed himself in an empty corridor on the seventh floor to think.   
Days had passed since the disaster that could have been the restricted section. He knew she had seen it, at least a small part of it had been visible. How could he have been so stupid to allow this to happen. He all but attacked her, thinking he was catching up to the man in his dreams, he was lucky he didn’t kill her. He had wanted to; every fiber of his being had wanted to utter the words that he at one time swore he would never say. It wasn’t until she had made a noise that he knew he was no longer dreaming. He was sure that any day now the old bat Dumbledore would come down and rain hell on him for what he was doing in the castle. Attacking students in the restricted section. He had been stupid and careless; but it had been days without sleep and his body had simply had enough.   
The look on her face had not left him in the days to come either. When he had finally regained his senses, her golden eyes bore into his and like a deer caught by a trap he could practically see her heart beating in her chest. She had been scared of him. She knew what he had been thinking of doing and she had been scared. He could feel it in the way she was breathing, see it in her eyes. It had made him want to explain it all, he was used to people fearing him in a different way. A fear for what he was going to say but never the fear of him that he had felt radiating off of her in waves. He hated her for it.  
It was the reason he had waited in the corridor leading to the Gryffindor tower for her. In the shadows, he was going to give her a better reason to fear him, he would be kicked out from the school anyways after she told the boy wonder. So, what did it matter to him. It was when she finally came running, tears streaming down her face that he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring himself to do it and he hated her even more.   
“Draco follow me.” Snape said walking past him in the corridor and into one of the many empty classrooms. Rolling his eyes, he followed as instructed and walked through the door before being thrown into the wall by Snape slapping him across his face.   
“What the hell!” Draco yelled picking himself off the floor and wiping the blood off the corner of his mouth. He could feel the blood flowing in his mouth and he spat it out on the ground at the professors feet. The anger burned through him, but it was nothing in comparison to the Professors gaze.   
“Do you have any idea what you have done. What this means for me.” Snape said staring over him, Draco only sat and waited expectantly. “Oh, so you haven’t been made aware of the punishment you have to endure. I have warned you boy. I told you that you were being a child, I made you sure you knew just how insolent you were being, yet you continued on as if everything was sunshine”   
“What are you getting at you bastard” He said screaming at him.   
“Due to the speed in which you work.” He sneered at him pausing “You have been tasked with the greatest honor Mr. Malfoy. You must kill Dumbledore.” Snape sneered as he swept his cloak over Malfoy and walked out of the room. He could feel the air leaving his lungs. The walls of the small room were caving in on him as his mind tried to process what he had been told.


	11. Chapter 11

Merlin help her she was not waiting for him to show up.   
She may have sat closer to the Restricted Section to get some uninterrupted library time, but it had absolutely nothing to do with Malfoy.  
Liar  
She had been coming here for two weeks now. Wanting to take another look at him, wanting to see if what she really saw was true. Then she would tell Harry.   
The boys were at the Halloween feast as were many of the students and she had a gut feeling that would bring him here tonight, not like I care.   
He had not been coming to classes, that much was she knew. Blaise Zabini had been covering for him in Potions, much to her irritation. If he was going to skive off classes he could at least explain himself. The only time she had seen him was in the great hall, she continued to find herself staring over Ginny’s shoulder at the Slytherin. It was obvious something was wrong, the circles under his eyes had begun to lighten but that was because the rest of his skin had gone ghostly white. His hair was greasier than normal, she could always see Parkinson trying to push it around with no luck and while he had been slender throughout their schooling he was now approaching deathly thin and to see him wasting away in front of her made her heart hurt for him, merlin only knew why. However, if he came today it would be a coincidence of sorts because Hermione Granger did not sit in wait for a man to show up and talk to her. She was not Parkinson she would not beg for a word from him.   
When she saw wisps of blonde hair above a bookshelf in front of her, she could feel the breath catch in her throat. Her heart picked up its pace in anticipation of seeing him come around the corner and into view. She watched as, instead of the Slytherin in her imagination, a third year Hufflepuff walked past not paying her any mind.  
Get it together she thought closing her eyes and resting her head in her hands momentarily. She heard a ruffle of a cloak and quickly lifter her head and stared into clear grey eyes where the Hufflepuff had just been. Hesitation and mistrust on his face, her heart beat a little faster in her chest.   
“What are you doing Granger” He said his eyes turning to slits as he looked her over.   
“Studying”   
“You have nothing out” he smirked as if he had caught her in a trap. She felt uneasy in her skin, a cat and mouse popped into her head momentarily and while she had been the one waiting she was no longer the cat.  
“I just got here” she said reaching down and removing parchment and a quill from her bag and holding it up to show him before opening the book in front of her.   
“What are you playing at?” He asked standing in front of her at the table. She felt small with him towering above her like this, she focused on the words in her book refusing to look up and meet his sunken eyes “I can see you Granger, you aren’t invisible in the dining room, hell even Pansy has noticed and she’s right dense sometimes. What are you trying to accomplish” he asked not taking his eyes off of her. The intensity that was in his eyes was something she had not seen this year, they were his normal piercing grey. She had not expected that, nor knew what she would do now that she had. What she did know was that right now he was playing a game, like he did when they were younger except there was more to it than that as if the thin line of control that he had been balancing on since she last spoke to him was about to snap and she was the only one in the way.  
“Nothing” She replied feeling the blush begin to creep up at the prospect of him knowing she had been watching him.  
“The Gryffindor Princess is never up to nothing. What are you trying to accomplish” He had smacked his hands down on the table in front of her menacingly causing her to jump.   
“You won’t like it” She said standing up to walk away, possessions be damned she would come back when he was gone. She made to round the table, to push past him but he would not let her leave, he just continued walking towards her. There was nothing she could do about it. He had efficiently backed her into a corner.   
Step by step until her back hit the junction between two book shelves until she could feel his breath on her face, and she swore he could feel her heart beating out of her chest. She looked over his shoulder at her wand sitting on the table. How could you be so stupid.  
“Try me.” He said between his teeth his arms now on either side of her against the book shelf re taking her focus.   
“You’re hiding something. Suffering through something. Damnit Malfoy I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m not watching this.” She said returning his gaze, bringing strength back into her eyes. She could not let him win this.   
“You want to be the hero of this story huh, the Mudblood that helped save me. I thought Potter was the one with the God complex” He said spitting next to her he pushed off the bookshelf and started pacing in the small space in front of her. “You have not a single clue what is even going on, yet you have to be so bloody good and well natured to try and help regardless. That’s stupidity Granger I thought you were smarter than that.” He said holding his head high and crossing his arms over his chest. This was it, this was her moment.   
“Tell me what’s going on then. We aren’t friends and we never will be but damnit something is killing you. Even if I am as stupid as you say I am. Then what do you have to lose.” She said throwing her hands out to her side. She needed him to break, lord only knows why but if she was going to stop anything from happening she needed him to break.  
Don’t lie to yourself.   
She even cared about what was happening to him. There was just something about the way he had been wasting away so far, withdrawing from the world that had her scared. If Harry was right about him, then she needed to know what was happening to try and stop it. He took two steps to her and grabbed her face roughly with both of his hands making sure she was looking at him and that she could not look away. She tried to peal his hands off with her own, tried digging into his arm with her nails hard enough to leave small scratched behind but he wouldn’t budge just continued to stare into her eyes with his piercing grey ones. Stone faced.   
“I am a dead man walking Granger.” He said letting go of her. She could physically see the snap in his eyes when the rage had taken over and with a growl he grabbed a chair to his right and threw it into one of the bookshelves before walking back the way he had come in. Her legs had given out on her and she silently slid to the ground to still her heart. A dead man walking he had meant it and she knew it, she had seen the same look mirrored on her friends face when he knew something could kill him. She knew this was different though, whatever Malfoy was doing he had no doubt in his mind that he was going to die. Even worse, she cared.


	12. Chapter 12

He had been waiting for this moment for almost a month.   
For now, he sat trying to think of anything except for what he was going to have to do.   
He sat in the Slytherin common room on the floor in front of the fire throwing pieces of his essay into its depts and watching at the parchment caught fire and smoked purple with the ink. It was mid-November and the first snow was starting to fall outside, the talk of the room was the upcoming Hogsmeade trip that the students had been permitted to go on. This would be his chance to get the necklace to Dumbledore without ever having to place himself into a situation. He had sent for the cursed object shortly after his lapse of judgement in the library. She had gotten in his way again. A habit he had needed to break and quickly, waiting for him like a cat with a toy, she needed to fear him. That look in her eyes that she got when she had bested him in something, needed to be replaced before it got them both into trouble.   
“Draco Malfoy, I’m charmed you made yourself present tonight.” Theo said plopping himself on the couch behind him and laying his legs over the arm. Blaise nocked them off and sat down next to Theo.   
“I see Granger has stopped looking at you like a wounded dog.” Blaise said picking at his nails. He bristled at this remark. Pansy had promised to keep the things she noticed between the two of them, it seemed she had felt the need to share.   
“I just needed to remind her of her place is all.” He replied turning the page of his book. He had shown her weakness, allowed her to see the anger that bubbled just under the surface and that had drove him crazy for the days that followed. She had gotten to far under his skin, practically begging him to let her in. He had to have done something right in his response, she had not looked at him in the weeks to follow. He had made sure of that. The first night afterwards he had glared daggers into her eyes across the room and she had not dared to look his way again.  
“Remind her of her place? Aren’t we the mighty Pure Blood” Theo snorted   
“Shut it Nott, she needed to stop the act, so I made her stop” Draco stated matter of factly.   
“Did you curse her?” Theo said eyes wide. Blaise slapped him roughly on the back of the head and Draco shook his head in disbelief. “Okay so you didn’t curse her” he said rubbing the back of his head.   
“Doesn’t matter what I did, the witch is leaving me alone and that’s all I can ask for.”   
“For now.” Blaise said stretching out his limbs.  
“What are you playing at Blaise?” Draco asked setting the book down on the coffee table.   
“Well Granger isn’t well known for giving up on things. She’s always putting her nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s kind of her thing isn’t it.” Pansy said walking up to the group and sitting in the arm chair to the right shrugging her shoulders as she got comfortable in the chair. “You would be daft to think this is over Draco, she’s smart.” Pansy said pointing at him before looking into the fire. Draco could feel the blood draining from his face as he thought about it. She had a point Granger had a reputation for getting what she wanted from professors and students alike.   
“You alright there mate?” Theo said staring at him. Draco just slowly stood up and left to get some sleep as his friends continued their conversation.   
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Hermione sat in breakfast and prepared for Potions, but this morning her small bubble of concentration was no match for the level of noise her classmates were putting out.   
The room was abuzz with excitement over the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, Ron had not stopped talking about Honeydukes since they sat down. Apparently, Fred and George had begun sending things to the shop owner and that was all anyone in Gryffindor could talk about. She was going to miss the ending of the Fanged Frisbees flying around the common room, it had made her avoidance of the library easier to bear.  
There was no way she was going to put herself in the position again any time soon. She had been left defenseless in his presence twice now. The library was going to be off limits for a while, Harry be damned. She had a rough time trying to explain that one off like the last. The less the boys knew about what had happened the better, nothing had happened in their world and that was how it was going to stay. She allowed herself a glance at the Slytherin table, trying to hide herself if he was there. To her relief he was missing again, she looked a few heads down and made eye contact with another Syltherin. Blaise smiled at her in an all to knowing way and she quickly looked away. Had he been looking for me?   
“Hermione, you’re going to Hogsmeade this weekend, right?” Ron said alight with excitement. Bringing her back to reality.   
“Of course, Ron, wouldn’t miss it.” She said taking a drink of pumpkin juice, she had wished to miss it greatly but with both Harry and Ron excited about it she did not want to make them stay for her. She caught Blaise standing and making his way without breaking his eyes from her own. He turned and walked out of the door. He had piqued her interest enough. Excusing herself from the table she gathered her things and followed him out a few minutes later.   
“What are you playing at Granger?” He said turning on her as she followed him into one of the emptier corridors, this was a mistake. Whether on purpose of accident he mirrored the sentiment of his friend and it brought her back to that night.   
“Nothing Blaise, you’re the one playing games. What do you want?” She said impatiently dreading the fact that she so willingly came along with him.   
“I’ve made a bet and I want to make sure you don’t royally screw it up for me.” He said shrugging his shoulders. She had no response to that, she simply stared at the man in front of her.  
“Why would I be involved with any bet of yours Zabini” She finally sputtered out.   
“Let’s cut to the chase Granger. You know damn well he’s hiding something from all of us. So, figure it out and stop him before he gets killed preferably.” He said walking past her.   
“Why would I help him.” She yelled at his back causing him to run to her shushing   
“Because it’s what you do, you Gryffindors run around here finding lost causes and I don’t know why you chose him but you did, so fix him. You put your name in this charade on your own, no matter who set you up to it in the first place.” Blaise whispered to her as a group of first years passed them. “Please” he said looking at her before turning and continuing the walk to Potions.   
She had no choice but to follow him as much as she hated it. She was not Malfoys bloody keeper and she did not go looking for him as a lost cause. A pet project for her to take up. The certainty that she would do exactly what Blaise wanted had her blood boiling.   
She slammed her potions book on the table staring at the man two row down from her and contemplating many jinxes she could send his way. Awaiting the start of the class, she did not look at her table mate when he sat down next to her, she would not allow herself to. Nothing would come of it anyways. He had avoided her and classes for weeks, only showing up when an excuse got old.   
One look won’t kill you   
Groaning internally, she turned her head slightly and gasped at what she saw. A bruise was working itself around his neck as if he had been strangled in the night. She could see the ill placed glamour charm that he had tried to halfheartedly perform. Its impact did not quite reach all the way around his neck. Pointing her wand at him from under the table she shot Blaise a nasty. He had known this was what she would see. He knew one look and she would fall into his trap of the day. She opened her Potions book and pretended to read.   
“What happened to you” she whispered into the book.   
“A dream” He said laying his face in his hands and rubbing away the night. “It was only a dream” he said staring straight ahead. What the bloody hell did that mean?   
“It had to have been more than that to leave a mark on you Malfoy. Someone laid their hands on you.”   
“Leave it Granger.” He said not looking at her but watching as Slughorn entered the room. He removed a cover from the cauldron in front of him and Hermione groaned, this would not be a quick and painless lesson.   
“Can anyone tell me what I have here?” He said waving the class to come up and join him around the pearled colored potion. “Ah yes Miss. Granger please.”   
“Amortentia or Love Potion,” she said walking with the rest of the students Draco close behind her.  
“Very good Miss. Granger, please take a sniff what is it you smell?” He asked smiling to himself as if this was all a good game to him. She had no desire to tell the class what her true love smelled like, whomever he may be.   
“There’s dark chocolate. Maybe apples and freshly opened ink” she said taking her time to dissect the smells as they came to her one by one.   
“Well done Miss. Granger well done. Mr. Malfoy care to try,” Slughorn said looking up over her shoulder.   
“Strawberries, vanilla and worn parchment.” He said emotionless. Slughorn nodded and one by one asked the students to smell the cauldron in front of them. Before sending them back to their benches. They sat and pulled out the rest of their belongings to begin the potion work. Hermione opened her book as Draco opened his pot of ink.


	13. Chapter 13

Today was going to be the day.  
Lord let today be the end of this.  
If it all worked out the dreams would stop; the nightmares, visions more like it, would cease, and he could continue to focus all his energy on the cabinet. Move along with his original task and put this second one behind him.   
Quietly, he took the wrapped necklace out and carefully placed it into a bag, making sure that all of the opals were contained in the package. All he knew of the curse was mental anguish that engulfed those that laid a finger on it would be enough to get rid of the Headmaster. He threw it over his shoulder and walked into the common room with the rest of the Slytherin classmates preparing to leave for the day. Acknowledging Blaise and Theo with a nod, he continued through the portrait and up to the Great Hall.  
He had thought a lot about what was going to happen today, about being successful what people would say. What she would say. He saw her and her bushy hair out of the corner of his eye. The last thing he needed right now was her trying to butt into his day as she had the day before. What was it with her, she was like a fly that wouldn’t leave him alone. He had felt the warmth around his neck as she fixed the glamour charm he had placed before potions.  
He had almost left without doing one at all, part of him needed to see it to believe what was happening to him was real. To show it to the world that something had gone terribly wrong. Yet when the Dark Lords hands had been around his neck they were off hers…  
He quickly put his head down and walked faster to the gate in order to be the first one out the doors when McGonagall released them. He needed to beat them all to get to The Three Broomsticks for this to work and the blasted snow falling would make the path harder. He needed to get the necklace in position.   
He knew placing the object where a student would happen upon it would not work, no he needed a scapegoat of sorts. Someone to place the blame on, and he knew just who that person would be. Walking into The Three Broomsticks he cast a Mufliato on the single drunken bar patron, filling his ears with nonsense before he cast an Imperio curse on Madam Rosmerta and told her exactly what she would do for him, she would provide the first student that crossed the restroom door with the necklace and very specific instructions and no one would be any wiser that he had done anything but visit the pub. He placed himself on a stool in proximity to the restrooms and watched all that came into the tavern.   
This was taking too long. He was losing focus; his mind was drifting to those around him.  
When he saw her and the two bumbling idiots he quickly walked to a more crowed corner further away from them to watch and wait. This was perfect. She had no idea he was in there and he could not help himself as he sat and took her in, she had grown up over the years in a way that no one would really notice, her hair had tamed slightly and he could tell there were golden streaks that at one point he never noticed being there, and she had slimmed, her toothy smile had faded. She was fairly interested in the conversation at hand and was animatedly tell off Weaslby about something that was happening in the far corner of the room.   
Taking a look, he could see the youngest Weasley with Dean Thomas in the corner and smirked slightly to himself. She had a habit of talking with her hands when angered, it was the first time he had ever sat and watched her for any period of time, there was no reason to make a habit of this. Other than knowing what he was putting up with. That was a world in which he would never belong. He glanced over at Potter and made eye contact, cursing he quickly moved to the other corner of the room.   
He could still see her. He needed to refocus on the task at hand, none of the students had made their way to the restrooms and he was becoming impatient, he couldn’t very well sit here all day and stay out of suspicion. Not with Potter now on his tail.   
It was when he saw her move that his heart dropped in his chest, she was smiling at a joke he would never hear, and she had her eyes downcast as she passed through the crowded tavern.  
Not her.  
He waited until he was sure that was where she was going before quickly standing.  
No  
His heart beat faster in his chest as he fought his way through the small crown that had gathered. He took three large steps and quickly grabbed her arm before she could go into the door.   
“Don’t” He said pulling her away from the door and into a small enclave in the corner. He was hidden amongst boxes, his eyes darted around looking over her shoulder praying anyone else would come that way. He couldn’t very well keep her hostage amongst the boxes and not tell her what was happening. Them being this close was bound to draw a suspicion or two.  
“What are you doing?” She said ripping her arm away, all traces of the smile off her face as she stared at him with distrust.   
She helped you. His mind was screaming at him.   
“Please, just don’t go in there.” He was starting to panic; the bile was rising in his throat as the color drained from his face. He knew that she would catch onto him at any moment. Her brown eyes searched his and a spark ignited in them. She went to speak but it was then that Katie Bell walked past them into the room without a second thought towards the people hovering in the doorway.  
He turned and practically sprinted out the door and around the corner of the building as he felt the mornings breakfast coming back up and splattering on the side of the building. His head was spinning, and his heart would not settle down as he gasped in the cold air trying to sooth his emotions. He regained his sense and quickly made his way to the castle to be as far away as he could get.   
There was no way he could hide this from her.   
________________________________________________________________________________________

She could have stopped it.  
She was right there and didn’t do anything.  
She knew it was him.  
As she ran through the castle faster than she had ever ran in her life. She had been certain in the tavern that something had been going on, his eyes were practically screaming at her as he held onto her arm way to tightly. She wanted to stop him, to find out what was going on before it could happen, but he had run away.  
She had let it go.   
Malfoy being weird was not one of her priorities. She returned to her friends instead of going through the door. She would regret that for as long as she lived. The screams Katie had released from her lungs before being thrown to the ground was not one she was likely to forget anytime soon.   
She knew where she would find him, it was a matter of finding him before Harry could. He had seen him in the tavern as well.   
Her lungs burned as her feet took her to the library tears beginning to form in her eyes. She was angry. When she reached the stairway above the entrance and saw him standing looking out the window down onto the grounds. Watching the students as they were slowly making their way back up towards the castle. A front row seat if he had chosen it. She wanted to yell at him. Hex him. So many things were running through her head as he stood there at the top of the stairs as if he didn’t care.   
“You bastard.” She said walking up towards him and striking him hard on the cheek. His white flesh pinked at the assault, but his dead eyes stayed trained on the window “You did this didn’t you” she could feel the emotion in her voice. Her eyes stung, and her throat burned as she tried to keep the tears at bay. “Did it matter who you tortured? Just as long as you got to watch while it happened” She yelled shoving him with all her might to get him to look at her. He turned and looked at her with horror and confusion on his face.  
There was no way this was happening. He doesn’t know she thought swallowing her words and taking a moment to take a breath, when the first student broke through the barrier onto the grounds she grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty classroom and cast a Silencing Charm on the door.   
“Draco. What was on the necklace.” She said standing wand out at her side. She would listen to him, and then she would curse him into oblivion. He stared at her crossly, pulling his arm away from her. His face screwed up in aggravation as he meant to lay into her. Then her words registered, and his face melted. His shoulders dropped, and he began to pace back and forth.   
“Did she touch it?” he said hoarsely. “I had thought it was wrapped tight enough… she wasn’t supposed to… is she” He was starting to pale, even more than normal to the point he looked green.   
“She’s hurt. Hagrid had to bring her into the Castle while McGonagall rounded everyone else up. Snape took her to St. Mungos.” She said watching him, she could physically see him cracking. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled as he continued to pace back and forth.   
“I just don’t understand” he said looking at her as if she would have all the answers. He was not prepared for this, that much was obvious, whatever it was he was trying to accomplish the result was not what he had achieved.   
She hated what she was going to do. Watching his crumble into himself was not an option.  
“You have to tell me what is happening. I cannot…. help you…. unless you trust me” she said walking forwards, she wanted to reach out to him but knew he was unstable and that could be dangerous. She had come close to seeing that danger once before, but she could see the mental breakdown occurring from the outside in.   
“Draco” she said approaching him a little closer. He stopped his pacing and laughed. It was strained. He had snapped in a way that she knew they would not come back from.  
“You really want to be let in? You want to know all my deep dark secrets Granger fine. I’ll let you in.” he said as he began frantically unbuttoning the sleeve of him left arm.   
“Stop” She said holding up her arms begging him. Her voice cracked to tell him again, but no noise came out. He was beyond stopping, he rolled up the sleeve of his black shirt and brandished the mark on his arm. The hideous black mark seemed even more sinister against the paleness of his forearm. Out in the open light, the snake twisted around the skull as her stomach twisted itself into knots. He had confirmed to her what she needed to know. What she had set out to know. It wasn’t enough.   
“Are you ready to hear it all now.” He looked her dead in the eye. Grey on Brown. Waiting for whatever reaction she would have.


	14. Chapter 14

He could feel the snarl on his face as he stared at her down cast eyes, she would not blink away from the offensive mark on his arm.   
It was a stare down, the blood was rushing through his veins, pumping quickly as his heart beat erratically in his chest and his mind threatened to snap at any second.  
She would not back down.  
He stared at her, daring her to run away screaming. To run like he knew she would, like he wished he could. She couldn’t look away from him. Away from it and he was…thankful… of all emotions he could feel right at this moment that was not the one he was expecting. Almost as if he was grateful that someone knew. Someone other than his Slytherin circle, who only assumed it had happened but were not brave enough to ever look upon it with their own eyes. See the proof.   
“Speak Granger.” He spat venomously at her. He was not in control of himself and he knew it. Could feel it. The muscles in his body were flexing and releasing as he stood bearing all to her. His enemy. Right on the verge of breaking down and running away.   
“SPEAK” He screamed at her feeling the sweat pooling down the back of his tucked in shirt. She jumped. Flinched at the loud crack in the air that was his voice. She finally blinked, composing herself. She whispered something that he could not hear. “Louder”.   
“He was right” She said tearing her eyes away from the hideous mark on him arm.  
“What” his brows furrowed together.  
“Harry had guessed that you had joined his ranks… on the train… that you were a part of them now. I’ve been telling him he was wrong almost every day since, trying to come up with anything other than this.” She held his gaze, the confusion he had at her statement was reflected in her eyes. She had defended him? He could practically see it there, in her eyes, the denial at her own words. “Even now, after Katie… I came before Harry could jump to conclusions.”   
“Why” He said finally dropping his sleeve back down and buttoning it at the wrist. Hiding the offensive mark. “I was practically bred for this, every day since the day I got my letter, not that there was any doubt I would” He sneered. “I have been prepared for the day that I would join the Dark Lord and help him reign hell on all Mudbloods and Muggles. Why Granger would you think any different, in what world would things ever be any different” he needed her away from him. There was something there he couldn’t explain. Something in her eyes that was driving him mad. He needed to get away from him.   
“I don’t know.” She replied still looking at him. It was then that he saw it, not pity but something else.   
“I have made you and everyone else’s life a living hell in my quest to get to where I am. Why would you disagree with the one thing that made sense?” he was starting to feel the anger return to him, the same anger that he had felt in the library.  
“I don’t know.” She said a small spark was starting to ignite in her eyes. He could see her anger there as well burning behind the confusion. Good.   
“That won’t work.” He said squaring up.   
“I thought, maybe you would be different, you could be different. Not everything is so bloody set in stone.”   
“I am, I always will be. I can’t go back” He said coming towards her quickly, clenching his teeth together as the words passed through his lips harshly, when she lifted her wand and jammed it into the bottom of his jaw, all he could do was laugh at her instant response. She had no problem keeping her wand down when he was just the attempted murderer of Katie Bell but a Death Eater drew the line and she couldn’t hide it.   
“People can cha…” she said lowering it slightly  
“I won’t change Granger.” He cut her off forcefully walking away from her “Get that thought out of your head. There is nothing that will change” he spat sitting on the desk behind him.   
“We changed.” She said gesturing to the classroom around them. “This whole situation is absolutely bonkers, I should be marching to the Headmasters’ office with you cursed behind me but instead I’m standing here arguing with you about this. You can’t deny that something is different this year. It’s in the air, it’s in the students, even the professors everything about this year has changed, so why can’t you?” she stared at him willing him to argue with her, he wanted to argue with her, but he was so bloody tired of it all.   
Their dynamic had changed the moment he thanked her in the library. Continued to change the day he backed her into a corner and he knew it, they all knew it. Blaise had tried to tell him, the one thing he didn’t want to hear. He was not getting rid of her anytime soon, not until she got herself killed. “You stopped me from being Katie. Malfoy, you can’t deny that. Something made you stop me. So, you need to tell me what I am risking my life for.” She whispered to him.  
God, he needed some air. Needed to get away from her. He was pacing again, he had become used to pacing. Pushing past her he went and sat on one of the tables and all he could do was put his head in his hands.   
“Why. If you only knew how fucked all of this was you wouldn’t agree to any of it. I won’t let you help me” he rested his head on his hands as she came and sat next to him on the table.   
“You won’t have to worry about me helping you. There is no way I am helping you in whatever it is you have gotten yourself into. There were handprints on your neck the other day. I’m not naïve. Whatever it is Mal… Draco. You are wasting away before everyone, even your friends have said something about it. The only help you’ll get from me is survival. I won’t sit and watch anyone kill themselves.” He could only laugh under his breath.   
“What are you doing Granger,” He said quietly. Looking at her “That was your friend out there,” that was almost you out there. “Why are you doing this?”   
“I don’t have the answers that either of us want.” She shrugged he saw her eye him, she looked up at him before she made a slow move to rest her head sideways on his shoulder, as if they were old friends discussing something as simple as a bad day at school and he was hit with an overwhelming smell of strawberries in her hair.   
“I have to kill someone.” He forced it out, his voice cracked at the word and he put his head back in his hands. If she heard him she didn’t flinch, and he sat counting the beats of his heart waiting until the moment she would move or scream or curse him. It never came.


	15. Chapter 15

She felt like crying. The tight ball in her chest threatened to burst at any moment.   
She could not control her emotions as she sat there next to him, she had closed her eyes and focused on her breathing to calm herself down. She tried to take comfort in his scent, and the feel of his shoulder keeping her grounded as she fought her own internal battle with what was happening. He was real. This was really happening.  
Parts of her body wanted to run away, her mind and nerves were fighting tooth and nail to make her see reason and run. She was a Gryffindor and he was a Slytherin. She was Harry Potters best friend and he was in league with the same people who wanted him dead.  
The rest of her wanted to stay. Pretend that nothing he had said had happened and that when she opened her eyes they would be alone in this room and there would be no wrong in the world, he wouldn’t look like he had been taking a beating every night since the start of school, Katie Bell would be at the Quidditch match next week and he never would have told her that he had to kill someone.  
She craved this reality. It was simpler. The one where he would not get up and destroy her perfect world, but this was simply never going to happen, and she knew her time in the room was coming to an end. She could feel it in the tensing of his shoulder.   
“So, what are we going to do.” She sighed lifting her head.   
“We are going to do nothing Granger.” He mumbled rolling his head back and forth massaging the back of his neck. She could hear the emphasis on the we. He stifled a yawn and stretched his limbs out in front of him.   
“You’re not sleeping.” It wasn’t a question, you could tell by looking at him that he had not had a good night’s sleep in weeks, it was wearing on him physically and would soon mentally.   
“No.” he answered, she perked up a bit, he was playing along for the moment, so she would get what she could out of him before he stopped and shut down. He was still smart and conniving, she had faith that she would only get what he wanted her to know but she would take her chances and hope that he would slip.   
“Is it because of what you have to do?”   
“No” he said laughing slightly under his breath “To a decent wizard, a decent human being even; you would think having to do what I have to do would be the thing keeping me from sleeping, but no that’s not it at all” He sat and looked at her for a moment. As if he was debating on trusting her. He wouldn’t be wrong for deciding not to. They weren’t friends, weren’t anything even close. She had simply caught him in a weak moment.   
“I am assuming you know who my aunt is?” He started, and she nodded in response. Bellatrix Lestrange needed no introduction. He nodded in return and then continued “After my father’s arrest, there was talk of what I would have to do to bring honor back to the family. I’m sure you can imagine the shame our family suffered when Lucius wasn’t able to bring the prophecy back to him.” He stopped and looked at her raising an eyebrow as he watched her try to keep up with what he was saying   
“While discussion of…my task, was going on Bella took it upon herself to teach me Occlumency in case I ran into a need for it while working. She’s a very inspiring teacher” he sneered “I got very good very fast and knew that I was starting to impress, well impress certain people. However, one day the lessons stopped, Bella said that I had learned everything she could teach me, but I know that wasn’t the truth. I’ve read up on it since being here and she simply taught me what she wanted to, what she needed to, in order to keep their secrets if I’m captured. She left out a huge portion of the lesson. A loop hole that would make my mind easy to reach and control. My dreams.” He sighed closing his eyes. “I was naïve at the beginning of the term. I thought my task would be easy.” He laughed  
“Failing that I have been plagued every night with images of those I care about, particularly one in general, in every state of death a human mind can image. I have seen her with a slit throat, cursed, drowned, and on one particularly vivid night, hung.” He said rubbing his throat. “I have no control over it, I can’t stop the dreams and once they start I can’t pull myself out of it. I am nothing but a puppet with a sick master, but then there are nights that I have some and she’s sitting there, in the garden perfectly fine. Before our home became over ran and before the rise of the Dark Lord was even a possibility and she’s smiling while drinking tea. I don’t know what’s the truth and you have no idea how crazy that can drive someone.” He finished getting off the desk and she knew her time was running short. Who knew when the next opportunity would strike to get him to talk again and she wanted to figure him out, figure this whole mess out before she began overthinking it.   
“Who is she?” she said hopping down off the desk to come closer to him, she felt herself reach out to take his hand, as if she had lost all control of her limbs when he hesitated to speak, to trust her, but he pulled it away quickly.   
“My mother.” He sighed walking towards the door. “Don’t get use to this Granger, it won’t happen again.” He said looking back at her.   
She had no doubt in her mind that what he said was true and as the door slammed she could feel herself shatter. The emotions she had suppressed for the sake of keeping him talking began to spill out and she fell forward placing her head between her knees and the tears spilled forth disrupting the dust on the ground. The sobs wracked her body and it took her by surprise how strong the emotions playing through her were. She had sat and listened to him, the attempted murderer of some unnamed soul and instead of stopping him she had comforted him. Who was comforting Katie? Why hadn’t she gone running to Harry the moment he lifted his sleeve and confirmed what her heart had feared. Whose side am I on she thought, bringing on a new wave of tears and the pain of betrayal in her chest would not subside.


	16. Chapter 16

When she arrived in the common room it was thankfully barren. 

Most of the students were left reeling at the thought of Katie being tortured right outside the gates. Her splotchy eyes were almost identical to those that she passed on her way out of the empty room. The stray few that had made it back to the common room sat on the couches and chairs staring into the distance. While walking back had not been easy, the throng of students in the halls had made for her to have to shove her way past. She had seen a mess of red hair from across the room and recognizing it as Ron, turned the other way when he made eye contact with her. She would regret that she felt. He did not deserve that and would think about it for days as he always does. But she could not face the pain she had felt at potentially having to meet Harry. Thankfully all thoughts on that vanished when she entered the empty room, quietly she made her way to the sleeping quarters and to her own four poster bed.

She would not cry anymore. Not over Katie, not over Harry, especially not over Him. The fact that she, Hermione Granger had allowed the tears to fall at all over him was embarrassing enough but having to admit they came from feeling sorry for him was even harder.   
A murderer. No, an attempted murderer. She had felt sorry for him. She laughed at this, into her pillow, refusing to cry anymore. How many years had they spent fighting against people like him, with his ideology. She had been right along with Harry putting a stop to it but now that it was some one they knew, someone they cared about. That was the punchline, right? She didn’t care about him. Yet as she thought it her heart dropped in her chest giving her away. She may not have cared then, but she did now. There had to be something in there that was good, wanted to be good. They way he had allowed her to just sit there with him in mutual silence, to touch him, while doing it. A part of him had to be not wanting to go through with this as much as she wanted him not to. 

“Hermione?” She heard Ginny say as she walked into the room. Quickly she stopped laughing and turned in the bed to face the red head walking to sit on the bed with her “You okay? Ron sent me up to look for you, apparently no one has seen you since…” 

“No Gin. Not in the slightest.” She replied feeling the traitorous tears trying to fall again. “I think I’m making the wrong choice.” She said looking into the eyes of her confused friend. They sat for some time in the silence. Hermione embraced it, the quiet in the room. 

“Hermione when have you ever…” She sent the red head a look that stopped her in her tracks. No Ginny did not need to try and smooth this one over. When Ginny made to ask another question, she shook her head to stop her. The silence between the two continued on.   
“Sometimes we do. Make the wrong choice that is.” Ginny began “Hermione, no choice we make is ever perfect. I guess if you can live with it then it really can’t be too bad.” Ginny finished standing and walking to her own bed. 

“What if I can’t… what if I know its wrong but I still choose it.” Closing her eyes, she waited for a response.

“Then you have to live with it.”   
_________________________________________________________________________________________________--

He sat cross legged on the ground in front of the cabinet and stared at the bright green apple that was mocking him in its refusal to go anywhere. He had spent three full days going over the instructions that Borgin had let him. That halfwit probably sold him fake instructions. Just trying to get as much money from everyone when he sold the Dark Lord the bloody broken cabinet.

Piece by piece he had cross checked it with different books and theories, there was nothing about it that should have made the damned cabinet not send anything he wished away and all he had left was this apple sitting perfectly in the middle. Gods, someone had even used it on accident if the rumors were true yet here the apple sat, mocking him for even thinking for a second that he was going to be able to get this to work. 

Quickly he picked up the apple and threw it as hard as he could against the wall, watching as it exploded into tiny pieces. It made his nerves calm slightly, the sight of the juice running down the wall. Walking over to the window he looked down onto the Quidditch pitch, he could hear the muffled cheers of his school mates as someone scored another goal in the match. The small figures flew in circles, free. He missed the freedom that quidditch had brought him, he had quit the team to focus on his studies. He cracked the window to get a breath of the fresh air from up here, the staleness of the room was starting to suffocate him. The stale air and his thoughts. 

No matter how hard he tried he could not stop thinking about last week. Bell, giving it to a student, had been sloppy. Had gotten unnecessary people hurt. Involved the princess. 

He could not get her words out of his head, I won’t let you kill yourself, they played over and over as he had refused to sleep or eat. He was determined to fix the cabinet, to get it back into order. To get his life back to normal, remove her from any piece of it.   
He had been weak to trust her, to confide in her like some kicked dog needing reassurance that the world was good. His mentality was obviously breaking if it resorted to allowing her to be in his head. She was nothing and would be nothing when he completed his task, she would most likely be one of the first ones attacked for her proximity to the golden boy. 

He knew she would at least be tortured for her role over the last few years. She was a walking target and it would be best for him to distance himself from her. Completely. He frowned looking at the cabinet again, glaring daggers into is empty compartment. Another cheer rang out followed by the boom of the announcer stating Gryffindors win. He turned and punched the wall next to the window, embracing the pain that coursed through his knuckles and up his arm. He needed a break from the room, a break from it all. Grabbing another apple off the shelf he took a bite and walked out of the room. 

____________________________________________________________________

Ginny had begged her to come down to the match. It was the last thing she had wanted to do. After running from Ron in the corridor she had spent the past week arguing. Trying to sooth his wounded pride. 

Ginny was all but thorough in making sure she was unable to stay and sulk in the tower as planned. She had been pulled out of the tower by an enthusiastic Neville to watch her friends in the match, no matter how she had protested he had insisted. However, she could not deny once the game had started the thrill of watching Ginny, Harry and Ron on the pitch. It was the freest she had seen any of her friends this year between her and Ron yelling, Ron and Ginny arguing about Dean Thomas and Harry arguing about…him. 

She had not let herself dwell too much on him, it’s not like they were even friends. Accomplice’s perhaps but not friends. The desire to tell Harry had been significant, she had always told him everything. Yet she knew if she mentioned it she would have to tell him how she had found out and the shame at her behavior had been eating at her. The guilt that ate her from the inside out every time his green eyes turned her way. Even now while watching the green and red robes fly around them she could not deny that she had hoped to see the Slytherin flying around with the team looking just as free. It would mean everything was normal. 

Harry caught the snitch and the screams of her fellow classmates broke her from her daydreams and she jumped up equally excited. Ron had done fantastic, much more so than anyone would have thought and most of the cheers booming forward were for him. Maybe this would help his mood some. Make her life easier. 

The whole walk to the castle was filled with talks about Rons performance. Many talks were of the party they would be throwing for him that night. She smiled to herself as she began to climb the stairs, maybe this will stop the arguing. Things would go back to normal if her and Ron could stop fighting. 

“Find something funny Mudblood” she heard him before she saw him stopping on the top if the stairs. She counted her breaths before looking up into the grey eyes she knew would be staring down at her. She could tell he was mad, at what she did not know however the look on his face told her this would be her punishment for being there that day. She would bear the brunt of his anger even more than she used to. 

“Leave her alone Malfoy.” Neville said trying to stand up for her, but Draco only had to take one look at him and he stepped back. 

“You going to save her Neville? How very brave of you” he snorted at them both. She could only stand and stare, the hatred in his eyes had thrown her off guard. She had expected annoyance, even expected to be ignored, yet to feel the furry of his eye bore into her she could not comprehend. It won’t happen again. 

“What’s a matter Mudblood, normally you can’t get you to shut up.” She only put her head down and walked past him. Not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her heart break. Gods only knew why, she was nothing to him, he was nothing to her. That was how the world worked. But seeing that anger directed at her hurt worse that she would have ever been able to believe, and that made the ache in her chest at lying to Harry even stronger. She had chosen wrong.   
Neville walked in silence next to her, for that she was thankful. She came into the common room as a squeal of delight broke out, looking up she saw Lavender Brown attacking Ron’s face with her own, well that should improve his mood as well. Quietly she turned and walked back through the portrait as to not ruin the fun with her mood. 

“Hermione wait up,” Ginny yelled running after her. “Hermione, I’m really sorry about him. He should know better than to be doing that so publicly, with you being right there and all.” Ginny said, it took her a moment to register what the youngest Weasley had meant. When she realized she should have been upset about Ron she could only laugh as the tears began to spill over. Concerned, Ginny came up and wrapped her arms around her pulling her into a hug. “I’ll hex him for you if you need, I swear I’ll do it.” Hermione could only shake her head at her friend. This is how far she had fallen, in such a short amount of time. “Are you going to be okay?” Ginny asked pulling her back. 

“No Gin, I don’t think so.” She replied looking the red head in the eyes. “I don’t think any of us are”


	17. Chapter 17

The moon shone brightly into the room through the soft canopy that covered her bed, offering minimal privacy. She sat and watched as the cold wind from the cracked window made the material flow back and forth over her.   
She had found herself spending more and more time in the comfort of her four-poster bed than out and among the crowds of students expecting reactions from her. 

Even tonight, when Ginny had pulled her down the stairs to study instead she had run into Ron and Lavender coming through the portrait door. Sending her back up the stairs she had just come down. They all had to believed what she wanted them to believe, that it was Ron she was torn up about. That seeing him happy with the girl who had never caused her any problems before. That was easier than the truth, even she could believe that. It meant that she could leave the room, escape the stares and spend her time away from them all, away from Harry and the guilt that invaded her chest as he continued to dwell over the map and the missing person that was never on it, that was until Ginny would come and drag her back. 

The blonde haunted her dreams and made her reality a living hell. 

She rolled in the bed and tried to ignore the soft snores of those next to her in the room, pulling the blanket further up and over her shoulders counting the number of breaths that Lavender took next to her. Trying to bring herself into a sleep of some sort. But like always the fear of what it would mean to close her eyes. 

She had been plagued with his nightmares since the quidditch night, always the same, his grey eyes stood tall over her as the heat of his stare melted her to the core. The same look of disgust on his face that she had come used to the past few days.   
It was as if the thought of just ignoring her no longer worked. He now made it his mission to push her buttons, to try and bring her to the verge of tears and back through out potions and in the hallways. Making it almost impossible to make it class to class on the daily basis. She needed a reprieve but there was none in sight. Not even at night. Sighing she sat up in the bed and reached for her robes. Grabbing her charts she quietly made her way down the stairs, if she couldn’t sleep she would at least get some work done. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

Draco sat swinging his legs off the side of the astronomy tower. He had spent much of the day in this spot and it would seem that he would spend more of the night here too. Contemplating. The sun had left and all that was surrounding him was the infinite darkness of the starry night. That was the best part of this tower.

He appreciated the darkness, embraced it. It was everything that his life had become, a single sheet of black abyss with no ending in sight. Not unless he made it. He could find the light in life another way. Take a different path and stop the suffering of all that was bound to come. 

He continued to swing his legs off the edge, as he thought, he felt himself scooting a little further to where his thighs held onto the brick beneath him. As the wind blew around him he could smell the strong smell of strawberries fill his senses, a smell he was sure he would take to his grave. It was his enemy’s essence. A smell that had plagued his brain for some time, made his heart lurch in his chest before his stomach could flip and send him reeling. He could follow the smell, a different kind of doom that it was sure to bring him, there would be no happiness in his end. 

Yet as he sat he embraced the pull of the wind around him and the darkness of the night, not allowing him to see the bottom of the tower, below the surface where the danger was. He could feel the darkness below calling out to him, daring him to do it. To simply slide off the side and not crash to the Earth below but take flight. Escape. As he slid closer to the edge, resting most of his body on his hands and his tail bone, he could feel the strength in his arms threatening to give away to the weight of his body. He heard footsteps approaching and sighed. 

“You should watch your surroundings more, you never know who could be watching for signs of weakness.” He whipped himself back onto the ledge and to his feet his heart was thudding faster in his chest and he quickly walked further into the room peering into the darkness of the room. From the shadows he could see a familiar figure begin to walk towards him. 

“Professor,” he said relaxing momentarily. Snape pulled himself from the shadows and walked to the ledge of the building stopping next to him facing the dark window, Draco watched as Snape peered out into the darkness. “I’m going to die aren’t I” he said breaking the silence between them. 

“That is always a possibility. Based on your actions you’re probably right. How close are you.” Snape said staring further into the darkness as if he was looking for something or waiting for something to appear. 

“Nowhere, on either of them.” Draco said taking a step away from Snape, he was not naïve enough to trust the professor fully, he had seen and heard many stories of the man’s ability of finding himself on both sides of the war. It had never been a secret amongst the groves of older members of the death eaters. However, he knew that lying to the man would do him no good. Snape only shook his head. 

“Your mother is a stubborn one, as I’m sure you know.”

“Y...”

“Don’t interrupt me” Snape said turning towards him menacingly “Did she tell you, before you went away naturally, that she came and visited me with your aunt?” Draco said nothing, this was news to him “I wouldn’t think so” Snape answered his own question at the look of confusion that was surely on his face. “I had to take the unbreakable for you Draco Malfoy, do you understand what I mean?” Draco nodded, feeling the bile rise in his throat again,

“Good. So, stop putting both of our lives in danger and start working on your task. Take this as me trying to help you. I won’t step in again unless you force my hand.” Snape warned beginning to walk away. 

“She’s alive. Narcissa. I received words from her this morning” This was the last thing he said before walking down the stairs of the tower and back out the door. He could feel the breath leave his lungs and his vision cloud up as he sunk to his knees in the middle of the floor. The only reason he had gotten into any of this mess was for his mother and the doubt he had at her survival had been gripping him for months. To hear that she had survived…that none of it was real… he could feel the laughter start to rip through his chest, it came from his gut and caused tears to fall down his face. He did not care how insane he must have looked at this moment in time all he could think about was that they had been nothing more than tricks. Illusions to get him to focus more on his work. He heard the door open and close again rapidly. Looking up he stared into two confused brown eyes looking at him.


	18. Chapter 18

She was not sure what she had walked in on, but she should have trusted her guts and turned and ran after hiding from Snape. She had heard the door open and caught a small glimpse of the professor before she ran into the small enclave under the stairs. The scrolls in her hands had fallen and rolled under the stairs, she held her breath, praying the professor wouldn’t stop and turn on her. When the laughter rang out from behind the last door the blood that was left in her upper extremities drained. She had heard that same laugh before and knew that its owner was not fully there. Something had happened in his world and Merlin be damned she needed to find out what it was. 

It was not a sound of a sane man, that much was sure. She knew as she walked up the last set of stairs that the individual she would find behind the door would not be the same, evil one she had ran into all week. She should not care, should turn around before she got herself into any more trouble. Yet she could not control her arms as they reached forward and made the final leap into the unknown.

If she could go back she would change that last five minutes of her life and would have stayed in bed. Now she stood in silence, something she found herself doing a lot, waiting on the silence in the room to break. The steal grey eyes staring into her to lose their concentration and move on. She could practically feel the crackle of magic in the air. Whatever was happening inside of him she needed to leave. 

Finally, thankfully, he broke the eye contact and looked at the ground, composing himself. The dust around him had been disturbed but with the limited light she could not tell why. Had he been crying? 

She could just see him in the moonlight, as it shone on his white hair. The small dust particles froze in the light, making the scene heartbreakingly surreal. An Adonis in mourning. He looked like a statue, arms sprawled to his sides, on his knees as if he had given up. This was not right. She wanted nothing more but to pull him up, hear the insults that would come her way and make the pity her heart felt at the sight of him go away. 

She had enough of this game, she would leave him to himself. Maybe in his state he wouldn’t even remember she had come at all. Would simply walk out of the room and never think a thing about it. She made to run, turning quickly she searched for the handle of the door with her free hand. 

“She’s alive” He said, breaking the silence like a whip.

There was no need to ask who he was referring to. Closing her eyes, she counted in her head the beats of her heart and finally took a deep breath releasing it and turning around. She nearly screamed at his new proximity to her. The sound caught in her throat as his hand made its way over her mouth and he shushed her. She had not heard him get up, nether the less approach but when she turned he was mere inches from her, once again starting into her eyes.

“What is it with you?” He asked, more a statement than a question. He moved his hand away from her mouth and to the side of her face, almost caressing her cheek. This was wrong, the nerves in her body were sending warning signals out as She was hit with an overwhelming smell of apples coming from his breath. She moved to get out of his grasp, trying to free herself yet quickly his other hand grabbed the other side of her face forcing her to keep looking at him. To keep still. She could see his eyes move and her heart increased in beats before he forcefully pressed his lips to hers. As quickly as it had come it had stopped as he released her with a growl and walked through the door behind her.


	19. Chapter 19

She could still feel the callous of his hands. The hidden strength that was behind them, she could feel it along her cheek bones, like a warning, as she looked in the mirror of the lavatory. His lips had been hard like his hands yet quick and her heart sped up as she reached to feel her own. Brushing over the curve of her bottom lip as she thought about last night. What had that been about. It was as if someone had lit a match inside of her at the contact, yet she had been so confused at the spreading of the fire. This was no fumbling kiss with Viktor on the lake, something that was easy and fun. Something she was able to understand. This was different, it left her guarded and so scared at what he might do next, what he might say in retaliation. There had been no warning, no need for what happened. Yet she could not get it out of her head, the guilt she felt before was now intensified. 

She could not say that she was mad about it. 

“I must be losing my mind” She whispered aloud slamming the compact she was holding on the counter top. 

“I would agree with that.” Ginny said walking up next to her. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t coming to the Burrow tomorrow?” she said crossing her arms in the reflection in the room. Hermione sighed and turned to her friend. She had forced herself to tell Harry she decided to stay here this Holiday, to clear her head and spend some time away from everyone. With her parents traveling this year, she could not lock herself in a cabin with her friends and not explode. 

“Ginny, you know I can’t spend the winter with…him. I just need a break is all, don’t take it personally.” Hermione said fixing the necklace around her neck. 

“You’re going to spend the whole holiday alone instead of just letting me curse him and be done with it?” Hermione sighed and nodded. Ginny rolled her eyes and began brushing her hair. 

“Lets just go to this party of Slughorns, have a decent evening and a good Christmas. I just need time away Gin, I can’t keep doing this.”

“Okay Okay no need to cry about it. I still think I could just hex him personally.” Ginny replied shrugging her shoulders and pulling Hermione away from the mirror and out the door.   
__________________________

This dinner was a nightmare. 

Whatever Slughorn had intended for this party to be, a gathering of the greats, she could not have felt any more out of place. Brightest none Pure Blood witch of their age. She could practically feel the scoffs as they headed her way. She wanted nothing more than to hide in this corner until it was over and she was free to mope the month away.

“Having fun Granger.” Blaise said walking next to her and handing her a champagne glass. 

“Loads” She replied tipping the fruity concoction into her mouth. 

“Any words on how my little wager is going?” he asked smirking into the distance as he took a drink of his cup. What she would give to throw the whole glass in his face. 

“This isn’t fair, I feel like I’ve been thrown into something I know nothing about.” She whispered into the cup. 

“None of us do, Granger. That’s the whole problem. He walks around like we do, talks like we do, but there has been no word on anything. Nothing to even throw them off his scent. Even neutral parties such as myself, and I am neutral do not forget that.” He glared at her momentarily, trying to solidify his point. “Nothing we are getting would even make sense to those in the middle of it all I’m afraid.”

“He’s not right, mentally” She said after nodding and smiling at the few older couples walking past them.

“He never has been,” Blaise replied taking a drink of his glass. 

“So, has he kissed you then? Because running around kissing people is totally normal behavior, right?” Blaise choked on the drink mid swallow, diving into a coughing fit attracting some stares their direction, she patted his back mindlessly while trying to melt further into the corner. 

“Did he really?” Blaise asked recovering finally. 

“Yes. But don’t take it to mean anything, he wasn’t all there I don’t think. Something wasn’t right.” She rushed out as she spotted Ginny walking their way from across the room. “Don’t you dare say a word about it. I’m warning you.” She said setting her glass down on the table next to them and walking to meet Ginny half way.

“What did he want?” Ginny asked grabbing Hermione’s arm and looking over her shoulders at the man. 

“Nothing Ginny, just being a Slytherin.”


	20. Chapter 20

He was sulking, he knew he was sulking. The overwhelming feeling of failure swept into him like the cold draft of the winter in the dungeon, as if the fireplace inside of him had been turned off and the cold failure could make itself at home.  
He was not used to failing yet he was becoming good at it. 

There was not a single clue on how he was going to get the cabinet working. How he was going to kill the old bastard. How he was going to survive if he did. How he was going to survive if he didn’t. When he didn’t. He had spent the past few nights before break staring into the open ceiling of the dormitory, avoiding speaking to those who came in and out. Afraid he would let something slip, he was getting very good at letting things slip. He heard people come into the room and didn’t look away from the ceiling. If he didn’t acknowledge them, most of them went away. Silently he was hit hard in the face by a pillow from the bed across from him. 

“What the hell” he jumped up to a seated position

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye.” Theo clutched his chest in mock pain as Blaise sat on the edge of the bed “Here you’ve been ignoring us all week and you weren’t going to say goodbye.” 

“Go to hell and goodbye to what? Not like I’m leaving this place.” He said laying back down. 

“Maybe one day, Hell does sound nice and warm, what do you say Blaise?” Zabini raised his eyebrow at the idiot of the room. “I think you’ll beat me there though. You are staying here?” Theo looked around at his possessions thrown around the room. 

“Where else am I going to go Nott, it’s not like mums really in the Holiday mood I would say.” He looked between his friends amazed at how different their lives had become over the year. Nothing he could say, would say, would justify the difference in their eyes. 

“Well you may want to make yourself useful at least, spend some more time sulking around. It’s been a right pain in the ass watching you destroy yourself, maybe some of the ghosts can give you lessons on how to thoroughly disappear if that’s what your trying to do.”

“Are you finished?” Draco said looking at him before another pillow bounced off his face. He threw it down and quickly grabbed at his wand, but the git was already out the door. Bloody fool. He thought swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“He’s not wrong Draco.” Blaise sat examining his fingernails, “All bets are on you doing something stupid this year. He’s just trying to talk you out of it is all” 

“What side of this little bet of yours are you on the Blaise?” Draco asked standing 

“Whatever puts the most money in my pocket. Watch yourself Draco, I know more than you think.” Blaise rose from the bed as well and followed in the footsteps of Nott and down the stairs. Draco balled the pillow that was in his hands and pulled allowing for the seams to rip freeing the tiny white feathers within. 

He scowled out the window and into the snow, it was too bright. Too happy…his world didn’t need any of that.  
__________________

She was sitting there in the Library alone. 

He didn’t know what God he had pissed off to where she would still be here. He thought the school was supposed to be empty, there were only one or two students who stayed through winter break, it was just his luck that she would be here too. Didn’t she have a bloody home she could return to, to leave him in peace for one month away from her, where he didn’t have to think of her.

He had been watching her from a distance for days now, glancing down at her during potions or looking her way during meals. He was waiting for her to break, he knew she would break; tell them all about what he was trying to do but it had yet to come.

No one had come to pull him from the castle and send him straight to Azkaban for helping the Dark Lord, as much as he didn’t understand it, he appreciated it. He had been watching her for other reasons too, a rumor had been spreading around the school like wildfire that her and the red head had a fall out over his rather public involvement with Lavender Brown. As much as he did not care about either of them, he could not deny the pull he had felt when he was first told. The jealousy at the idea that her and Weasley could be anything even close to romantically involved had seared through his body like a storm he could not control. He had kept her at a distance ever since. Throwing anything and everything he could think of her way, inwardly cringing at the look her eyes would take when he would say something particularly nasty, but it was better for him…for her…to stay as far away as he could push her. 

And then the tower occurred. 

He groaned to himself at the memory, the fragileness that she had been. He had taken advantage of his own weakness and projected it onto her. He expected that to be the end of it, he knew she would tell then, if not about the connection to him and the dark lord it would be on how he had forced her, an equally deplorable situation. 

He turned to walk away, he had work to do and did not come here to stare at her. As he turned to leave his foot clipped the chair next to him and sent it falling to the floor. He froze and groaned as he heard her sigh in response. 

“So, you’re here too. Happy Christmas to me.” She said turning the page and not looking up at him.

“Sorry to disappoint” He said waiting for her to look up at him, willing her to look up at him. He stood there for what felt like forever before she finally did. 

“What do you want Draco” She said closing her book. 

“I don’t know Granger” He shrugged the stubborn silence ticked between them before he finally asked the question that had plagued him “Why haven’t you told anyone?” he asked leaning his arm on the table. 

“How do you know I haven’t” She replied crossing her arms over her chest 

“Really” He raised his eyebrow, he knew she was bluffing there was no way anyone would have let it go if she had. 

“Why are we even having this conversation Malfoy, If I tell you I haven’t told anyone will that stop you from talking to me.” She said sighing and throwing her arms out. She was becoming agitated, he had watched her enough over the weeks to learn that much. 

“No.” He simply pulled out a chair and sat down in the seat in front of her. Her behavior on the subject left him cross, she wanted to play this game he would also. He pulled out one of the safer books from his bag, it was a book on invisibility, a backup plan if he needed to get out quickly. She looked at him as if he was a monster in front of her. 

“What are you doing” She hissed at him. 

“Studying.” He replied not looking up at her. 

“Why can’t you just let me live in peace? Where’s the fun in this, torturing me into St Mungos on your list now?” she said sliding his book away from him and watching it crash on the floor. 

“Feel familiar Granger, how many times did I tell you to go away and leave me alone before you finally broke me? Begged me to tell you about my life, just think of it as payback” he said bending down and picking his book back up “That was incredibly childish by the way, I thought you cared more for books” he smoothed out the pages and continued to keep reading. She began to laugh; a full body laugh that had him smirking to himself before he looked up at her. “Have you officially cracked then Granger?” He said looking up at her when she was finished. 

“There is something legitimately wrong with you Draco Malfoy. Something I couldn’t even fix if you would let me.” She said opening her book again to read. He smiled slightly before doing the same.


	21. Chapter 21

Hours had passed since he had sat down in front of her and other than a few grumbles to himself mixed with many sighs of frustration, he hadn’t said a single word.

She couldn’t say she was upset about it, on the contrary she unfortunately liked the comfortable silence they shared. It was a pleasant change from their usual routine. Something that didn’t involve screaming or cursing one another. This was well, it was easy, much easier than any other part of her life had been in the past few weeks. She didn’t have to put up any sort of façade with him sitting there because frankly she didn’t give a damn what he thought about her. She wasn’t the one with all the secrets. 

Yet at the same time she couldn’t help but take the moment to observe him, the frailness of him was striking. She could see the veins running down the back of his wrists. She remembered the strength of them, the strength behind his lips. A contradiction in itself. His looks could deceive the inner strength she knew he possessed. 

“Your eyes are going to pop out of your head if you don’t stop staring Granger.” He never looked up from his book as her called her out. She began to blush. 

“Don’t flatter yourself Malfoy, I was simply waiting.” She said pulling her book up and resting it on the ledge of the desk to hide her face. She did not need to give him any ammo he would do well enough on his own she had faith. 

“Waiting on what?” He pulled her book down flat on the table to look at her. I guess were doing this then.

“You to return to normal.” She shrugged. “I mean be honest here, you didn’t just sit here to read in silence. Enjoy each other’s company? You said so yourself you came here to pester me so get on with it then.” She waved her hand out, allowing him the stage he normally held when it came to his shows of name calling.

“I was quite enjoying the silence thank you” He said picking his book up and continuing. 

“Oh, come off it Malfoy really. I have much better things to do than this. Unless you plan to sit there in silence for the rest of your life then this is your chance, have at it.” She said becoming irritated. What was he trying to accomplish? 

“Why do I have to have any sort of motive? Can I not just sit here, and the world keep spinning like normal?” his eyes were beginning to turn a grey color that she could only associate with anger. Serves him right. 

“No.” She said biting her tongue. “Just think of it as payback” she threw his words back at him. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“What do you want Granger.” He said glaring at her. 

“Answers Draco, something other than vague statements here and there. Then we go through the stage of weeks of being tortured by you relentlessly for doing nothing but comforting you while you were down, I have had the guilt of coming to your side after Katie following me around to the point that I have spent the past month pretending that I have been pissed off at my best friend because there’s no way I could ever admit that you had been the one to get under my skin. Then to make things even worse you kiss me. Randomly kiss me at that. So now I am expected to just sit here in silence and pretend there is nothing going on, that the world will keep on spinning as you so put it.” She was screaming at him.

Her frustration had increased tenfold and she felt the traitorous angry tears threaten to form on the corner of her eyes. He stood pushing himself away from the desk allowing the chair to fall down behind him. She could see his carefully constructed facade begin to crumble as he paced behind the table before slamming his hands down on the wood. The crack as his hands made contact had her blood pumping dangerously fast through her veins. 

“Well go on and ask it then” he said opening and closing his fists as he stared at her with those steal grey eyes. 

“Ask what?” she said rising from the chair, she needed to give herself a level field.

“What you’ve been dying to ask since the beginning but wouldn’t” he said not breaking eye contact with her.

“Who is it” she asked without hesitation, it had been one of many questions she had wanted to ask. One that had a simple answer. 

“You will never know Granger. I will make certain of that and when it happens you and the rest of the world will stand shocked at what He is capable of making someone do.” He sneered at her. “Now stop asking and leave me the hell alone”

“That’s not an answer,” She threw her hands up into the air in frustration. “I didn’t ask for this! I was damn set on avoiding you, then everyone forced my hand. Why even bring me into this? Why not just avoid me? Even now you stand there ready to run but instead you’re here.” The look of pain crossed his face and her voice fell ending her rampage. Her feet walked to him of their own accord, shakily her arm reached up to lay her hand on his face, to bring him back to the reality she could see him struggling with he quickly grabbed her wrist stopping her. “You’ve already let me in once, more so than you probably even know.” she said looking at him. His eyes were slowly returning to their silver color she was used to. 

“I will get you killed Granger. I will be the one that hurts you, all of you. There is no one around me that will be safe in the end.” He looked torn then, as if he was as confused by what he had said as she was. He paused for a moment before quickly leaning down and planting a kiss on her forehead. She could feel the difference this time, it was softer, as if he believed pressing harder would cause her to fade away. She could feel the hairs on her head move slightly as he inhaled deeply before releasing her arm and pushing her arm distance away. “You need to stay away before you can no longer make that choice.” With that he turned away and left. 

She pulled the arm he had grabbed to her chest and rubbed the feeling of him away, sitting back on the table behind her. She felt as if all the nerves endings around her heart were alight and firing, a warning message that her brain had not caught until now. He was more than he seemed. She laughed under her breath as her reactions once again were the opposite of what they should have been. She knew in her heart that any choice she wanted to make was no longer her own. 

It was bigger than the stupid, harsh kiss in the Astronomy Tower. More than the secret that was burning within her, the one that her brain wished to scream to every single person she knew that would be able to stop him.   
Her inability to walk away from a challenge, and he was nothing short of a challenge, would be her downfall.


	22. Chapter 22

Damn that woman. Damn her and all that she was. 

Her strawberry essence still filled his nostrils, lingered there and left a permanent imprint on his brain, making itself at home. He walked back in forth in front of the cabinet before him. To hell with her doe eyes that promised safety, her soft touch that left the stubble on his check standing. The promise that there was more than just this dark and damp room out there. 

He wanted to hate her. 

He wanted to hate how the blood left his extremities in her presence. How the world followed her like some bloody golden light. 

He couldn’t hate her though. Not when she was there and even now when she was away. When the very thing he was working on at the moment would send her running to the hills. She would want nothing to do with him when she found out what he was doing. It was not in her nature to stay around the evil, she would purge it, put an end to his task and move on. Leave him in the dark.

Yet she hadn’t run, she knew a piece of it and she didn’t run. 

Maddening. 

He slammed the cabinet door closed with all the force he could, an audible noise leaving his chest. He was still nowhere on anything. The letter he had sent to Borgin was met with a response to bring the cabinet to the store. He had found joy in burning that letter piece by piece. 

He had switched to his second task in the meantime. Leaving a very peculiar bottle of mead with Rosmerta as well as instructions. Surely someone would be willing to take it to the headmaster, leaving him and any more students unharmed, god willing no one else tried to sample the damned thing. He had tried to accomplish something that would never make her look at him with such shame again. It would be inevitable that she would figure it out when the old man was dead, wishful thinking that she would see the steps he took for her.

For her. 

He wanted to gag. This was not how any part of his life should go. He should never be thinking about her like this, wanting her to appreciate his effort. It was maddening. He needed to go back to ignoring her, yelling at her, whatever made her go away from him. His heart dropped in his chest at the thought. He would need her, the good she offered was like a drug to him. Damn her. 

He needed sleep, a shower to remove the remainder of her scent from around him and sleep.

__________________

Slowly she walked down the corridors listening to the clicking of her shoes on the stone floor. They matched the hurried beating of her heart, the lack of sleep she had received last night was obviously messing with her brain but she needed to do this.   
Force his hand. 

She would make him either push her away or allow her in. Stop hiding in the library, screaming at each other by the restricted section.

If she could bring their, friendship, she had to laugh at that. Friends was not even close to the what they were. Inconvenience of a life time was more like it. There was nothing convenient about the way she felt when she thought about last night. He had pressed his lips to her head and she was hit with the overwhelming smell of apples. She was not stupid she knew what that meant, she had smelled it in her dreams many times growing up and that day in class, and that scared her. 

The smartest witch of their age, yet she couldn’t escape the pull of some silly potion. The smells coming off of him were all she had thought about growing up, she was to naïve to see that the person was so close to her all these years. Yet now that she knew, he was so incredibly far away. 

He has to kill someone. 

She shook her head as she entered the great hall, removing all thoughts from her mind. If this was going to work in any capacity she needed to stop thinking that way and start thinking of how to stop him. She needed to force him to bring whatever was inevitably coming into the open a bit more. 

There were only a handful of students that would be staying the winter break, none that she could even name. It was the perfect time to test the waters on him, there was no one who would say anything about it. 

She kept her head down as she walked through the door. It was only breakfast, and chances where he wouldn’t even be in there so why was she so worked up over it? Steading herself, she raised her head and looked at those sitting in the room. Most were sitting at the Ravenclaw table, It was an easy table to fit into, directly in the middle, yet she scanned towards her left and saw him sitting alone. The only Slytherin to stay. 

He could be stunning in a different world, maybe a different life. Maybe had the world been different she could have always had this feeling that was pulling in her gut, forcing her hand in a way she wasn’t even sure she fully wanted yet. But this was not the world of maybes. As she looked at him she could tell he hadn’t slept, the circles under his eyes were almost black and his normally pushed back hair fell into his eyes. This was a mistake. There was no way any amount of publicity would fix this, someone would tell someone, the two of them weren’t exactly unknown. Yet her feet carried her forwards of their own accord and she found herself quickly sitting next to him as his shoulders stiffened. 

“What are you doing” he mumbled under his breath watching the students at the other table, no one had paid her any mind. 

“I wonder, does Dumbledore usually leave for break or stay? I always figured he would be one of the few to be around during breaks.” She grabbed a muffin off his plate and turned the coffee cup right side up, watching as it filled with the soothing brown liquid. 

“Does it matter?” he asked her taking the muffin from her hand and taking a sip of his tea. “What are you doing Granger?” He cast her a warning look and she shrugged her shoulders. 

“They’re all first years and no one from our classes. I didn’t think it would matter?” she was questioning herself as she stirred cream into the coffee and grabbed for another plate. “Do I need to leave?” He shook his head no in response and stared out ahead of him. He was stiff and the silence was maddening. Finally, someone at another table laughed and the shrill of it broke through him, she saw his shoulders roll and neck pull to the side. 

“Did you have dreams again? You look like you haven’t slept.” He laughed then, a small laugh and she placed her coffee down scooting a bit closer, waiting for him to lead. 

“Oh yes Granger, I dreamed.” 

“Another nightmare then?” she didn’t understand why he was being so coy. She understood his nightmares were…vivid. He had explained that much before. His lip curled up slightly as he glared into the distance. 

“Yes and no.” She picked up a piece of fruit and examined it closely. “You were there.” The strawberry fell from her hand as his words struck her. They both knew his dreams were not safe.


	23. Chapter 23

She had come to him in his dreams.

She had been everywhere, the light flowy way in which she walked away from him had been cat like, the sun hit her on the curve of her waist. Bare. 

Like a siren from a lore, she had called to him with every movement. His eyes soaked up the golden tones her skin released in the light, the softness of her curves bounded through the room until she was finally within his grasps. It was as if everything he could ever want was now in his hands. Her lithe frame melted perfectly into his body, where they met, the friction of it was glorious. When his eyes closed she was there, laughing as her hair fell around her bare shoulders, his nose pressed against the curve of her neck, pressing his lips and teeth along the edge of her shoulder. His hands ran up the front of her, pulling her onto him. 

He had awoken with a start. 

The throbbing ache he experienced scared him. This was not allowed to happen. Nothing about her was supposed to entice him while he was awake nevertheless while he was asleep. It made him vulnerable, made her susceptible to being damaged.

Made him susceptible to being killed. 

He had pulled himself from the dream as fast as he could, not allowed himself to…enjoy…. what his mind clearly wanted him to. He hadn’t slept the rest of the night. 

Then she waltzed her way into his hell, all sunshine and roses this morning. Planting herself on his side as if it was the most normal thing in the world she could have done. She had needed to know. It was all he could do, he placed her in danger, so she needed to know. 

“Come on drink some juice before you pass out and get everyone talking” he handed her a goblet of orange juice as he watched the color fade from her face, before being replaced with a magnificent shade of red. 

“I don’t need any of the, um, awkward details.” She took a drink of juice, as he rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He would give everything he had to take back ever mentioning it. 

“In your dreams Granger.” 

“Apparently its yours I need to be worried about,” she took a drink as the blush continued to run its course down her neck. He watched her then and saw it, in a moment her eyes changed, her spine sat taller and she took just the smallest inch away from him. 

“I’m sorry” she mumbled quickly turning and walking towards the great hall doors and back into the corridor. He grabbed the tea cup and quietly snapped the small handle in his frustration. 

___________________________________________________

She laid on the rug in the empty common room and stared at the ceiling. The fire danced dangerously close at her feet as it cast long shadows that played on the walls around her. There was a draft in the room and no matter how many fires or blankets she could not get rid of it. It seemed to follow her around the castle. Radiating from within her. She had been stupid to run. 

She was properly embarrassed that she had run from him. Like a coward, she had been hiding in the common room for days trying to rid herself of the cold that was spreading through her. 

The Gryffindor in her died with each beat of the cold blood that ran through her veins. 

The guilt she had been harboring for months, the one that made her stomach sick and her head fuzzy had only intensified with his words. She liked that he had dreamed of her. Something she would rather die than admit out loud to the world. Yet it ate at her all the same.   
She needed to escape this room, get away from the castle and go to the burrow. See Ron and Harry and Ginny and tell them everything. Remove herself from the situation and beg for forgiveness. Beg Katie for forgiveness for not bringing him in. The sooner she said something the sooner he would be gone and the pit in her stomach would go away. Scrambling she grabbed a quill and parchment and made her way out to the halls, She would write to Harry and tell him she was coming after all. She would find a professor to help her out and she would be there in time.

She made her way down the tower and to the staircase to make the trek to the Owlery. As she climbed the flights of stairs she stopped on the seventh when she saw him rounding the corner from the staircase.

Just keep walking, you didn’t see anything.

She got off and followed around the corner. Only a handful of students knew about the area in the back of this floor, they had been privy to the information their fifth year. As they continued to approach the room, she quickened her steps to catch up to him. Before she could grab his arm, he jerked it away and turned on her. 

“Stop following me.” He growled at her before turning back around. 

“What are you doing up here?” She yelled at his retreating figure but when no answer came she bent her head up to the sky and closed her eyes sighing again before running after him. 

“Granger” he warned not slowing down his pace. 

“Me and you both know what is on this floor. What are you doing?” She asked reaching for him again, he pulled away quickly taking the turn in the hall. She stumbled a bit to turn as well. “Why are you going this way?” she asked confused.

“To go to the stairs to the dungeon” he said not looking at in her direction. 

“Don’t lie to me Draco, I’m just confused as to why you would need it.” She stopped then and he stopped too.

“Can you just let things go. You’re smart enough to know when things need to just be let go Hermione.” He finally looked at her then, she could see the pleading in his eyes. 

“I won’t just go away, Draco.” She paused, stopping in her steps as his figure continued to loop around the way he had come. It was one big circle, filled with a maze, that lead to the same goal. A room where you could find everything you wanted except, apparently, peace. She crumbled the parchment in her hands into the pocket of her jeans and made her way back to her fire.


	24. Chapter 24

He had felt so sure he was done with her. That the rejection he had felt in his stomach when she walked away, the maddening pull of it, would be enough to make his mind shut her out and to move on. She wanted nothing to do with him and that made his life easier. Made him more able to focus on the task at hand instead of on how she would react when it was done. Remove her like the flea she was in his brain. 

Yet when he wondered among the hallways he could feel her in every corner, calling for him to come, to join her in the night. The promise of a light at the end of a tunnel. It pulled at him a drug he could never have.

He knew it was an illusion. No matter how much his body betrayed him, he could feel the pull in his mind as someone tried to work their way through, friend or foe they were doing a damned good job of messing with his sanity. 

He continued walking through the corridor as the walls around him began to feel like they were swallowing him whole. His problem was her. She had made someone angry, someone who could work their way through a mind and saw her there. He had an idea of who it was.   
He had asked Snape to meet him there tonight. He knew the professor would come, he had no doubt about that yet confronting the man whom had no idea what really was going through his head, who only thought he knew, he could feel the bile rising in his throat and the blood drain from his face and he approached the forming door.

“What do you want Draco.” Snape asked folding his arms over across his chest. 

“I know it’s you. I have a problem, I need you to help me and I think if you don’t we could both be killed.” He said matter of fact, sitting in one of the chairs that the room had provided him. He slumped forward and rested his forearms on his knees, staring at the floor.

“I told you, someone is always watching, I am simply trying to extend my warning. Now what could I possibly do for you, since I’m at your beck and call.” Snape sneered not sitting in the other chair in the room. Draco sucked in a breath of air and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked up at the professor standing above him. 

“I can’t control my dreams, I’m vulnerable, which makes you vulnerable.”

“How, pray tell, does the dreams of a boy put me at risk.” 

“She’s been in them” Those were the only words he needed he could see the twitch of the professors muscles in his face as he processed the information he was give. Gracefully still he sat in the chair opposite him. 

“How long.” 

“Two days now, I didn’t sleep last night. Couldn’t risk three, not with having to focus on keeping you out during the day.” Draco glared at the professor before him. 

“Watch your tone. I will not be the one who goes down for your school boy crush.” The blood boiled behind Dracos eyes as he glared at the man before him. How could he not see that she had done this to him, not the other way around. This was not something he wanted to be dealing with, it was a distraction. He gritted his teeth and felt the tension in his jaw at the professor’s remarks, she was not some crush he had developed. 

She was so much more. 

The danger that came from his realization of this made the whole conversation necessary. He needed to push the thoughts away, keep them away forever, make it to where no one could use that knowledge against him. She intrigued him. The idea of her, the happiness that he would never have at her side. 

No one needed to know. 

“I need your help. Keeping them out. I can’t keep her out she’s too bloody stubborn, but I need no one to know.” He felt as if he was begging the man before him. The little pride he felt in the situation was gone. It was when the spell hit him he knew that Snape agreed, and he slumped asleep.  
___________  
His eyes were closed, and he embraced the warmth of the room around him. They had spent the past few days in complete and utter bliss. The sun streamed in through the curtains and shone on her skin, causing it to glow almost iridescently. He had been resting his head on her abdomen and drawing small circles on her thigh as she lazily ran her hands in his hair drawing her nails along his scalp. He could feel the content sigh she released as he lifted his head and turned to kiss her stomach gently. She laughed slightly, a sound that he was starting to enjoy, opening his eyes he looked up at her and saw standing over them both a dark figure. “Are you enjoying yourself?” Snape sneered causing him to yelp, arms flailing as he fell out of the chair. 

“You are weak.” Snape said picking Draco up and throwing him back on the chair. “Are you even trying, or are you enjoying your little fantasy.” 

“You knocked me unconscious, how am I supposed to fight that! Not even a blank mind is the same as being unconscious and you know it!” He replied running his hands through his hair. 

“You fight it, or you die, it’s as simple as that, do you really think that he’s stopped getting in your head? You have accomplished nothing that he has asked of you, not a single thing and now you are fantasizing about Muggle-borns. You had better learn how to control it and fast. Keep your mind clear or think about anything else before you go under.” Snape said raising his wand again and removing any chance of an argument.  
___________

They sat in the garden of the manor, his mother had sat a table out there and planted flowers when he was a child. When they finally grew she would sit out there with his father and watch as he ran around the garden. The flowers were in full bloom surrounding them both. The smell of the gardenias filled the air and the sun shone brightly, there was blonde and copper streaks in her hair and when the sun hit her eyes he could see a hint of gold beneath the deep brown. She sipped her tea and laughed at the joke he had told her. He loved the sound of her laugh, so gentle at first as if she was afraid to let anyone hear it and then it would build until they both had tears in their eyes. He smirked in pride and made to grab his drink, however his arm was pushed away by a man in all black. “You sicken me.” Snape said taking the tea glass and taking a sip.

Draco jumped out of his chair and back into reality, he threw up in the corner of the room. “I’m screwed.” He said wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Snape tossed a vial at him and he caught it with one hand staring at the contents as the professor walked towards the door. 

“I trust you can at least take a dreamless drought sufficiently?” he sneered at him “You need to do your job and stop fantasizing about something that can never happen. It’s time to grow up, boy.” With that the professor walked out of the room leaving him with a vial of potion and a cabinet hoovering menacingly over him.


	25. Chapter 25

Christmas.

A holiday she had always spent with friends and family. With homemade ugly sweaters and home cooked meals. A warm fire, some eggnog, family. There was happiness there.

She was now going to spend it with him.

Whether he wanted her too or not.

She had spent all of yesterday trying to corner him after their meeting on the seventh floor. He was avoiding her, every time she would begin to get close he would move or direct his attention elsewhere. She was getting really tired of chasing after him.

It had been sheer luck that she had seen him enter the library and knew where he would go. The back corner where he always went, in isolation from the rest of the world. The book she carried weighed heavily in her arms, this was her choice, right or wrong this was the decision she had come to.

She was going to put things into motion.

Quickly she approached the table, throwing the book down in front of him. The loud bang echoed through the otherwise empty room as she stared down her nose at him. The silence between them hung thick in the air as she breathed in and out.

"I almost told them." She finally said breaking the calm. His eyes snapped up and met her own, the vein in his neck began to stand out, she knew he was grinding his teeth. She could see the tension in his jaw as he looked at her, through her. "I wanted to tell them everything, from the beginning of the year and on. About you and your dreams, about Katie and, oh I don't know whatever you call it, the task you have. I thought it would make the guilt go away, but I don't think it ever will." She shook her head, forcing the tears to stay away.

"Why didn't you." He finally answered her, leaving her heart to beat in her chest as she processed the question.

"I don't know. Maybe one day I will. Maybe one day I won't hate myself for this, but right now, I don't have that answer." She pointed at the book in between them. He took the novel in his hands and opened the cover.

"Hogwarts: A History?" He looked at her puzzled.

"It's a present of sorts, I won't directly help you. Do not get this wrong Draco Malfoy. I will not kill anyone, nor will I make your life easy, this is me not going away." He opened the book and laughed at the passage she had marked. Her heart fell at that, he wasn't supposed to laugh at her. Scream at her maybe, but laughter cut her life a knife. The passage she had marked was a small one, but it was there, about the room he was so clearly looking for.

"I know where the room is. I helped knock down a wall remember." He smirked at the thought and her cheeks flushed at the memory. The smirk fell from his face as he looked from the book to her. "Why." How many ways was he going to ask her the same question. She could feel the frustration at the inadequate answer she had building within her.

"You're always there, like a damn bug I can't shake. You won't get out of my head. I thought I could, I thought walking away would make everything easier. So, I ran, hid away. Yet the moment I finally saw you all thoughts of telling anyone anything vanished. I think you have me intrigued, I think you are in trouble and need someone to help, but you are also to scared to say it. I think you would call that my God complex" she rambled on as he stood up and approached her, until he was level with her, she felt the book shelf hit her back as the steps she wasn't aware she was taking left her with no room.

He reached one hand up to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. She felt the breath catch in her throat as he looked into her eyes. That steal grey, that haunted her.

"I don't understand" she could tell he meant it. The wounded look took over him, as if he had already lost everything, as if there was nothing in this world that would allow him to feel something, anything good. Before she could think, talk herself out of it, she reached up and cupped the side of his face bringing it to her level.

"You need something, something I think I can help you find. But you have to let me." She whispered to him as his forehead rested on her, their noses lightly brushed against each other. She could smell the apples coming off his breath, a smell that had only a week ago left her trapped now lured her in until his lips just barely brushed against her own. It was as if the match inside her had lit the fire that had been dying within him. She could feel his hands pulling her to him, balling the back of her shirt up in order to pull her closer. The hidden muscles in his arms came alive beneath her fingers, as his lips melded perfectly with hers. When she opened her mouth slightly, the smallest of moans left her lips and she could feel him pull away. Resting his head back against her own as they fought to catch their breaths.

Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest as his hands released her shirt and ran up her back, the nerve endings leaving fire in the trail of his hands. She was lost to him.

"You need to stay away from me," he whispered running his lips along her jaw, as his hands continued their ascent up, until he placed both of his hands on her face and looked her in the eye. She could feel the air in her lungs freeze and her heart stop.

"I will get you killed," he whispered even quieter.


	26. Chapter 26

The worlds left his lips and brought him back to reality. She would die for this. For this one moment she would pay greater than them all if he was to find out about it. His lips dragged down her neck as he sighed, resigned, and began to pull away.

"Don't, don't do that." She laid her hands on his chest and pushed him backwards, pushed him away from her, just enough to hold his eye contact. "I am perfectly capable of making decisions that are in my best interest. I highly doubt whatever it is you are sneaking around doing is going to impact whether or not I survive another year." He rolled his eyes and pushed off the bookshelf behind her, rubbing his face with his hands he walked backwards away from her, away from the pull of her. She bewitched him.

"You have no idea what you are even talking about." He crossed the room and grabbed his bag off the floor. He needed to get away.

"Tell me then." He could hear the frustration in her voice, could practically feel it coming off of her in waves. "Why don't you tell me any detail at all? I've already decided to"

"To what Granger? Help me with out helping me? Or just get close enough to where you can go and tell Potter everything. You already said you wanted to." He could feel the snarl on his face. She was here again, trying to wiggle her way in, and he couldn't bloody protect his own neck much less hers. She quickly approached him, the anger replaced frustration in her eyes and he stood tall, prepared for it. Yet the smack across his face, the burn on his skin as her hand quickly contacted his cheek. The sting, took him by surprise, brought him back to the now. He grabbed her arm as she tried to make contact with his chest.

"You do not get to presume to know what I am going to do. Nor berate me for anything I don't. I am here, I am taking this moment by moment and damn it to all you will not chastise me like a child over anything." He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly, she stilled all movement and laid her head on his chest.

"When this is done you will hate me Hermione Granger." He said staring at the wall behind her.

"Then let me enjoy it now."

_____________________________________________________________-

 

The water ran from the shower head, the sting of the hot water burned against her skin. She stood under the heavy pour allowing it to run down her.

She must be crazy. That was the only explanation.

She could feel a small tear escape and mix with the water that ran down her face. She felt ridiculous crying, there was nothing to cry about.

They had spent the rest of the evening reading, neither of them said another word, and for the first time the silence was glorious. When she yawned, he nodded and grabbed her hand leading her away, a simple kiss to her forehead at the door and they went their own ways.

It was the owl in her room.

The note from Harry, wishing her a happy Christmas, wishing that she was there with them. That had her hiding in the shower. If he ever found out what she had been doing while they were away.

She could hardly breath at the thought, how stupid could she be to think this was going to work, that this would be anything more once the week was up. It wasn't as if she could sneak away forever. They would eventually ask questions, surely?

Quickly she turned the water off and wrapped the towel around herself, wiping the steam off the mirror in front of her she stared at her reflection. She could still feel the strength in his hands, the way he pressed her body into his. His teeth grazing slightly at her neck. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply leaning over the sink. Her heart fluttered in her chest as the heat took over and flushed her cheeks. She would have stayed that way all night, stayed in that moment for eternity, a small smile played on her lips. For a moment he had been normal. For a moment he had felt real. She enjoyed it.

There was something coming, something she couldn't control. She could feel it in his gaze, what he was doing was going to be irreversible. It was something important enough that he would be punished severely for failing. He was obviously failing.

She sighed as she dried her hair, walking from the bath to her bed. There sat a black eagle owl, a small book beneath its claws. She stroked the bird's chest before it flew off and opened the book. A small not sat under the cover.

We will have to find a way to talk.

Owls might work for now.

You wanted to know more.

Draco.

With a trembling hand she looked at the cover of the book once more. A book on the first war.


	27. Chapter 27

She had left the book on the coffee table in the common room it was inconspicuous enough to leave laying around. She had spent the night skimming through it, it was nothing but a history book. A telling of the fear that was present, of not knowing who the enemies were, ways of getting away, the sudden rise and fall of the Dark Lord.

She had closed it after that.

This was where they were heading, she had known this for years. From the moment Harry came to school, the moment they became friends, her life was heading towards war. There was nothing that could stop it. She was ready for it.

Whatever he was up to could be found in that book. She knew it would be there, some insignificant detail that would give him away. Because he couldn't just bloody talk to her. She walked through the Owlery, picking a small owl from the group and wrote a simple message on the parchment she had brought.

_This is ridiculous. Use the scroll._

_H._

She sent it off, the note and a small scroll of parchment attached to its leg, and out the window it went. A Protean charmed scroll would allow them to communicate quickly. She had a feeling they would need to. She stared down over the frozen lake. Everyone would be coming back tomorrow; the two weeks of vacation had come and gone, the grounds would be full again and she would be forced to hide away. Not that he had been overly acceptable to her being around anyways. She could guarantee that he would be even less now, and that was overly confusing as well. But they couldn't keep meeting in corners, someone would eventually catch on.

She had too much going on in her head.

She made her way back to the common room, wrapping her cloak closer to her to ward off the draft.

"Miss Granger. A word please." she turned, seeing Snape behind her and came closer. "There's a thing to be said about subtlety. You've managed to do the opposite of it." Her heart beat thunderously in her chest, had they been found out already?

"I suspect this new-found breakfast routine will end tomorrow. Be sure of that. I would hate for people to start talking."

"That's the plan, sir. House comradery during the holidays is encouraged, simply doing my part to make things better for all." She nodded to the professor as he sneered and walked away. She sighed and continued her way to the common room. Nothing like feeling threatened to bring in the New Year.

Making her way through the common room door she grabbed her scroll and wrote into it.

_I'm rather good at solving puzzles you know._ _\- H._

If he had received it, it would grow warm. Not exactly conspicuous but it was better than owls coming back and forth.

_Protean charm. So I see. I don't want your help. Maybe that'll keep you occupied. You could use some reading. Everyone comes back tomorrow, what are you going to do?_ _\- D._

_Pretend you don't exist. Isn't that what we've always done? Were you going to tell me that Snape knew?_ _-H._

_No._ _-D._

Damn him. She sat the scroll down next to her leg and grabbed the book off the table. She would play this game of his.

 

* * *

There was no way this had happened.

The words had come out of his mouth a hundred times, yet nothing ever happened but this time the apple was gone. It had actually worked, whether that be just vanished into thin air or gone to its destination the damn cabinet had done what its name implied.

He smirked and rolled his shoulders as he shut the cabinet door, turning around to leave, he heard it. The unmistakable thunk of something hitting the floor of the cabinet. Quickly he turned and opened the door, looking down he backed up quickly and tripped over his bag sending himself falling to the floor. This isn't possible.

The apple had been placed there. A bite missing from the side facing him. It had worked. It had met another person and the only other pair was there…with them.

He felt the bile in his throat.

They were now taunting him, someone was on the other side waiting and knew it had been there. The moment it had arrived. Knowing they were waiting somehow made it all worse. Whether they expected him to fail or not he now knew, they knew he was failing.

The sheer panic of it all was overwhelming him. How many people were waiting to come through? How many expected the old man to be dead first? He could feel his heart pounding out of his chest the more he stared at the apple. The cabinet could work.

She would hate him. Would truly hate him by the end of it all. They all would.

Rapidly he stood, pulling the enchanted parchment out of his bag his hand shook as he contemplated his next move. She would find him weak as well. They all did in the end, that why he was in this position. He was weak and easy to manipulate, wasn't that all she was doing anyways? Manipulating him. Clawing at his skin. He wrote the words anyways and gathered his things. He needed her.


	28. Chapter 28

She had woken up afraid. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she quickly sat up, throwing the contents of her lap onto the floor. Something was burning her. She jumped away and looked down at the scroll, he felt silly at her reaction. Shaking her head she rubbed her eyes and read the message within.

_I summon you to the astronomy tower. Quickly. – D_

I summon you.

That made her blood boil. She was not something that could be summoned at the master's command. She looked at the book on the ground, a small page on vanishing cabinets, and closed the book stretching her arms above her head.

She could not be summoned, but her legs of their own accord took her to the doorway. She would be anyways.

* * *

She walked through the door way and into the silence of the room. There were no banging doors or crying like there had been before, just him, legs dangling further off the ledge than she would have liked. Her heart lurched in her chest at the height of it. From the middle of the tower she could ignore it, from where he sat, the dangerous position he put himself in made her heart beat quicker in her chest.

"You  _summoned_  me" she let some of the venom linger on the word, she would have given him hell for it if he was on solid ground.

"Shut it Granger, come here." He patted the empty space next to him and her heart sunk in her chest. There was no way that was going to happen.

"Why don't you come to me, more solid ground, okay?" He laughed and bowed his head, looking out into the darkness.

"That night, feels like ages now I think. If I had to be honest I would've jumped. Had Snape not come into the room. It would have been easier to explain that way." He pushed himself further off the ledge, relying on his arms to keep him afloat.

"Let's not do any jumping tonight please." Timidly yet quickly she approached and grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled slightly towards center, away. He laughed and obliged, moving his legs around he stood on the solid ground. Holding his hands up in a peace gesture.

"Oh, how I think you will change your mind on that soon. Have you been reading?" she nodded her head, crossing her arms over herself. "You haven't found anything of interest yet?" He walked back towards the open wall. How she wished she could build a barrier, prevent him from getting closer.

"You didn't give me anything to go by, its not a thin book." She played with the hem of her shirt, pulling at the loose threads. He laughed and grabbed her hand pulling the fidgeting fingers away.

"No, it's not a thin book at all, but dog earing the pages would have been to easy for you." He examined the palm of her hand running his calloused fingers over her smooth ones. She could feel the nerves in her stomach come alive. "What are you going to do when you realize you can't stop me?" he kissed her fingers one at a time before dropping her hand and walking away.

"Try harder." He laughed at her again.

"You need to try harder then Granger, because I think I'm getting closer." She heard the panic in his voice, saw it in his eyes and he turned to her, before planting himself back on the ground legs hanging over the side of the wall again. She sat herself behind him, holding onto the bottom of his shirt.


	29. Chapter 29

"Hermione Granger I don't care what you say, you are never staying behind again." Ginny threw her arms around her neck and pulled her in tight. "I needed someone to gag with and there was no one around" she threw a look at her brother who was wrapped around Lavender. Hermione could only smile slightly as the red head waved her way.

"Ginny, isn't exactly wrong" Harry said wincing as he drank from the glass in front of him. "We really didn't hear much from you?"

"I did a lot of research, would've bored you honestly. Nothing exciting." She took a long drink from her coffee allowing her eyes to stray towards the far table. Pansy wrapped in his arms, the perfect image of normalcy. The blood boiled beneath her skin.

"Research huh, have you found anything? I heard someone else stayed the break too. Some first years were talking about it." Harry turned in his seat and glared at the man paying them no attention. "Right prat to a few of them on the upper staircase from what I understand."

"Can't say I've found anything no, I can tell you he ventures upstairs a lot." She shrugged it off.

"I need to look at the map, see where he's going."

"You haven't done that already?" Ginny took a bite of her muffin as Hermione sputtered into her coffee cup, pulling Ron's attention their way.

"No, I haven't felt the need for it yet. I thought I could catch him in other ways." Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"Really Harry I don't think that's necessary. You'll drive yourself mad staring at it. Besides he's never around, you would have to have it under your nose. I saw him maybe once all the time you were away." She shrugged in return.

"Mate, we still have no proof. Your wasting your time with that one. Just wait until we can talk to Katie and then hardcore the inquisition." Ron said slapping Harry on the back and turning back to Lavender. She could feel her pulse quickening as Harry turned red and went back to eating.

She rose, blaming forgetting her bag and made her way out the double doors to get some air. She felt the small hand on her shoulder and turned with a smile at Ginny.

"You know, I heard the same thing Harry did, about him staying on break. Except when Harry walked away I heard a little bit more about it." Ginny looked at her quizzically flipping her hair over her shoulder. She lowered her voice. "What are you hiding Hermione." She took a deep breath in and cursed whomever it was that couldn't keep their mouth shut. She had known better.

"I thought I could get him to talk. To curse me and let it slide at the same time. Thought maybe he would give something away, so Harry could get over this obsession of his. But he simply ignored me. Nothing else to tell." She shook her head as Gin grabbed her arm.

"Be careful around him, until we know for sure. Okay?" Hermione nodded her head as the redhead squeezed her arm. The bubble of panicked laughter caught in her throat as she made her way to potions. Hearing the familiar laughter behind her coming from the doors.

* * *

 

"Granger." He said setting his books on their shared table. She nodded her head and continued unpacking her supplies. "Still doing all the assignments I see." He sneered at her. She let her hair fall around her face.

"What's the matter Granger, to good to talk to me now?" His voice was carrying, this was an act to him.

"Why don't you get Parkinson to fill in that role. I'm sure she would just love to." She let the words tumble from her lips and the smirk that overtook his face was enough to make her want to leave.

"Jealousy doesn't suite you well." He whispered leaning between them to grab from his bag on the floor.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." She stared straight ahead as the professor walked through the door.

* * *

 

"Hermione." He hissed between his teeth as he chased her through the empty hall. She hadn't said more than one word to him since the class started. Had hardly looked at him. What was she expecting? The Christmas break was over, and people were already talking. She had placed them in danger by assuming the best in people. She would learn.

"Granger." He grabbed her arm and she turned quickly letting her hand fly and making contact with his cheek.

"Do not Hermione me." She said turning away from him and he grabbed for her again.

"What did you expect from me." He rubbed the red out of his face and continued after her. "Did you think everything was going to change now? Was I supposed to present you with bloody roses and beg at your feet?" He grabbed her again and quickly grabbed her other wrist as it flew around again. She glared daggers at him as he pushed her behind a tapestry, forcing both of her hands against the wall as he pressed against her.

"Get off of me Malfoy. I am not playing this game with you." She wiggled beneath him, trying to free herself from his grasp.

"We will not have a normal hello in the open relationship Granger. That is never going to happen." He looked into her eyes and saw the fury flash behind them.

"Why would you need that? Looked like you had your hands full at breakfast." She spat at him and he laughed, letting his head fall down level with hers.

"This. This is about Pansy? She's my scapegoat Granger, haven't you heard the people already talking about your damn breakfast encounters? How else am I supposed to keep them off my back?" He pressed his lips to hers and she bit into his bottom on in return. Causing him to pull away.

"Will you stop being so damn infuriating. I can't help it." He let go of her hands and put both of his on her face. She pulled at his shirt, pulling him close to her, their lips met again and he was home. Their lips melted together as she ran her hands to the nape of his neck and pulled at the hair there. He could feel the growl escape through his lips and he pulled away and rested his head against hers.

"I'm going to be late to class." She was breathing heavily, the vanilla on her breath intoxicated him further. "Be careful, Harry is watching." She said as she ducked between his arms and out from under the tapestry. He punched the wall in frustration, counting his breaths before silently doing the same and leaving the other way.


	30. Chapter 30

_Are you there_

She tapped the quill on the top of the scroll, the opened book sat to her right. The rest of the world was sleeping, she knew he wouldn't be. He would be working on his task.

_Yes Granger I'm here._

_What are we doing?_  She closed her eyes as the scroll sent the message off. A week ago, she hated him, today she was snogging him in the corridor.

_Trying to survive. Sometimes war makes people do stupid things._

_So is this war?_

_It will be._

She knew it was coming, they all did. The words erased themselves and were replaced with another sentence.

_Why do you keep coming around?_

_How many times do I have to tell you I don't know._

She sighed, would she always have to have justification, if they survived his war, would she always have to spend her time telling him she loved him. The thought stopped in her mind, she did not love him, no. She simply would not let him destroy himself for a war they did not start. She brought herself back to the tower, back to hanging onto him, preventing him from jumping into the abyss.

_The Pax to my Erebus._

_I never was one for darkness._

_Yet you still come back to it._

She could not deny that. She always came back to him, yet peace she was not. Every nerve in her body was alight.

_You ask why I don't run away, but why do you keep coming to me? I'm not the one holding myself down in closed rooms._

She wrote the words down and hated herself for it, for giving into her curiosity and pushing the limit of their current engagement, the pretend it did not happen method they were currently using.

_When I need you, you are there._

The wind rustled the curtains around her and she watched as his words disappeared off the paper. It could be anyone then, anyone else could have wondered into the library that day and done the simple thing she did and they would be the ones fighting the guilt that ate at her.

She scoffed and closed the scroll as the wind once again picked up and blew the curtains into her. Quietly she went to the window and pulled it to, cutting off the cold air. Grabbing her things, she walked down the stairs and to the common room, the fire was already to life in the hearth. Harry sat hunched over the table in front of him, the scroll burned in her hand, and she felt her cheeks flush. Talking with the enemy in front of the leader. She shook her head and pulled her robe tighter around her, taking the steps down.

"Can't sleep either" Harry said lifting the paper off the table without turning around. The map in front of him showed her walk next to him and sitting down. Her heart beat in her chest as she examined it closely, hoping to see his name, hoping to see him safely in the dungeon.

"He isn't on it. What you said at breakfast, about him almost not even being here made me open it. He really isn't there." Harry waved his hand over the map before closing it and mutter the words to make the whole thing disappear. "It makes no sense."

She could only nod in agreement. Opening the book and ignoring the parchment that burned in her lap.

"The first war?" Harry said pointing at the book in her hands and she nodded again. "Anything in there on disappearing." He laughed, and the smallest noise escaped her. She felt her skin crawl and the blood drain from her face.

"Not that I've found, but I'll keep looking." She smiled as he rose and bid her goodnight, walking up the stairs and to the boy's dormitory.

Quickly she fumbled through the pages until she was presented with a picture of a looming cabinet. Even on the paper, there was a menacing look about it. The sharp points lead her mind to torture devices and she shivered despite the heat. A method of escape during the war. A way for people to vanish and disappear if the need arose. An escape route of sorts that many had used to avoid the Death Eaters.

She quickly opened the scroll and read the message with in.

_Why did you hold onto me?_

She took a deep breath as the message erased itself. She couldn't think about that, couldn't think about the kiss in the corridor. About the rage when his arm was wrapped around Parkinson, about how her view on him changed so rapidly it scared her. No, she needed answers.

_Why do you have a vanishing cabinet._


End file.
